What Might Have Been, or, Finished Business

I'm pretty happy with my life lately. I struck out on my own to move to Phoenix, AZ a few months ago and am figuring out my place here slowly, but surely. I'll possibly head off to Colombia at the beginning of next year for a semester teaching English, or I may stay in AZ to gain residency status and start a Spanish/English Translation program. This month I spent a few days at the Grand Canyon, a few days in Albuquerque, NM, and next month I'm going on a cruise to the "Mexican Riviera", and maybe doing a camping/touristy trip through the length of California. Amazing, incredible opportunities. Opportunities I wouldn't have if I were married right now. Sometimes I get impatient waiting for that opportunity to come, but I know it will eventually, and it will be when and where I will benefit most from it.

Every once in a while a blast from the past will come out of nowhere and remind me where I've been. It's been happening a lot this year, especially through meaningful conversations with people I could have married at different junctures in life. Three of the six guys I dated long-term have approached me this year to clear up any hard feelings and/or express gratitude for the things we learned during our times together. I've realized before that it is a great blessing for things to have turned out the way they did in each relationship I've had, and was recently thinking of how happy I am for all my ex-boyfriends who are married (all are married except the very first guy and the most recent guy I've dated) and how well each one's wife complements them in a way that I either either didn't want to do or would not have been able to do. Sure, I could have made it work with them, but it makes me waaay more happy that each one is making it work with the woman they are with now. I don't think that conveys how really happy I am for these guys and their respective wives.

It's nice to feel that I have no unfinished business with these guys. It's interesting to think about what an 'alternate universe' could have brought if I'd followed down a different path. My mom was married at age 19, and growing up, I always intended to get married young also, but I'm VERY grateful for the knowledge and experience I have gained over the last 9 years as an unmarried woman. It has been a gift to learn and grow through relationships and changes in my life, and it will be a gift to learn and grow through a relationship with a much longer-term companion sometime in the future.