New Look!

October always ends up being a time for me to renovate my hair and/or makeup. It's sad that it takes considering what to be for halloween (looking like someone else) for me to decide I want to change the way *I* look! I've been tossing around the idea of getting bangs since this summer, and finally did it today!


Here's my 'before' - no makeup, 2 month-old haircut with no styling.



and, after an hour with Emily at the JCPenney salon down the street, here's my Audrey Hepburn-inspired-with-a-modern-twist new 'do! (I'm reprising my Audrey costume from a few years ago...rationale: no one in Mesa has seen it, so it's "new"!)



I realized while talking with my hairstylist, that I haven't had bangs in 13 years! I'm happy with the change so far :)

The Real Woman Creed

You know those little things around the house that sit in front of you all the time, and become invisible because they're so obvious? I rediscovered one this week! A year or so ago, a friend gave me a copy something that inspired her, and it stays pinned up on my bulletin board above my desk. A few nights ago, I suddenly saw it again & actually read it for the first time in a while. It's good stuff, so I thought I'd share :)

THE REAL WOMAN CREED

I believe that within me lies an extraordinary radiance,
and I commit to letting my light loose in the world.

I believe that the source of my power and wisdom is in the center

of my being, and I commit to acting from this place of strength.

I belive that I possess an abundance of passion and creative

potential and I commit to the expression of these gifts.

I believe that the time has come to let go of old notions

and unhealthy attitudes, and I commit to re-examine what

I have been told about beauty and dismiss what insults my soul.

I believe that negative thoughts and words compromise

my well-being, and I commit to thinking and speaking postitively

about myself and others.

I believe that young women are in need of positive role models,

and I commit to being an example of authenticity and self-love.

I belive in the relationship between my well-being and the well-being

of the planet, and I commit to a life of mindfulness that regards

all living things as holy and worthy of my love.

I believe it is my spiritual responsibility to care for my body

with respect, kindness and compassion. I commit to balancing my

life in such a way that my physical being is fully expressed and nurtured.

I belive that joy is an essential part of wellness, and I commit

to removing obstacles to joy and creating a life that is full of exuberance.

I belive that a woman who loves herself is a powerful,

passionate, attractive force, and I commit, from this day forward,

to loving myself deeply and extravagantly.

Grand Canyon!

Mike & I camped at the Grand Canyon a few weeks ago. That night's low? 22F! I was prepared with a sleeping bag, lots o' layers of clothes, and a big sheet of plastic to wrap myself up burrito-style inside the sleeping bag & was toasty warm all night, but he was roughin' it, seeing how well he could tolerate the cold with just what we used on the trail at anasazi (where he also works)...he survived, but said his feet were freezing most of the night! We lucked out to get to the south rim just in time for a few sunset pics, and then dragged ourselves from our beds at 4:45 a.m. to get there for the sunrise also! Beautiful sights!









The crows around there were crazy big! I got really close to this one while he was sitting on the stone wall before he took off & I caught this.


Ummmmazing!

New Kid

I remember feeling this way when I moved to Memphis. Knew it was part of the package in moving to Mesa...and this week I am officially frustrated with being new in town, not knowing people, and wanting a few good friends. My ward at church is huge, and somewhat overwhelming, which I have let hinder me in jumping in with both feet. 80-100 people at FHE every week feels kind of ridiculous to me and, with my quiet voice, it's not a good way to start getting to know people.

I don't see any certain group of people with any consistency here, like I did in Memphis, which means I'm gonna have to make a more proactive effort to make friends. There are a TON of people here that I could meet and get to know, in and out of my ward/stake/neighborhood. The people I've met through Kirsten all live on the other side of town, and the people I've met through institute are spread all over. I've joined a couple of photography Meetup groups online, but not been careful about scheduling around the times they get together. And sometimes I feel lazy/antisocial/intimidated about getting out and meeting new people, like tonight for instance!

Some girls in my ward had a 'crazy hat/sock birthday party' tonigh, but I chickened out of going at the last minute cause I had nothing to wear and didn't want it to turn into another wander-around-in-a-room-too-loud-for-others-to-hear-me-talk scenario. Mostly I didn't want to go alone. But I gotta get to know people if I don't want to go alone.

This week I'ma make the effort find someone who I can/want get to know enough to feel comfortable calling to go with me to something like tonight's party. I need a wing-woman!...or something like that :)

something new

I'm going to start posting more often. My dilemma in blogging is that I seem to make pretty superficial posts, or write more personal things that feel like a page out of a diary. There's a balance to be found, and I'm my goal is to find & develop it. This goes along with a lot of how I've been feeling the past several weeks. I'm looking for a balance, a nitch that I really fit into, rather the two extremes I seem to fall into in life...I find myself doing something that is an effort at looking like I'm cool, savvy, interesting, but I really don't know what i'm doing or going to another extreme of throwing everything I've got into an interest for a few days, then deciding it's not really what I want.

My lifelong paradigm has been that I want to be cool, but I want to be smart. And I can't seem to be able to find a way to be either, let alone both.

Same thing with friends. I like a lot of the people around me, but I have trouble feeling like I REALLY connect with anyone to the point of being good friends. So I make an effort to be social, smile a lot, try to connect with people, but come away wanting more from the interaction. OR, I spend a lot of time at home, doing things I enjoy, which could also be shared with other people, only, I don't know anyone whom I would enjoy sharing them with.

So, I'm not quite sure what the solution is to all that, but I'm going to try to practice finding a middle by practicing writing a balanced exposition of my thought and feelings and doings.

What Might Have Been, or, Finished Business

I'm pretty happy with my life lately. I struck out on my own to move to Phoenix, AZ a few months ago and am figuring out my place here slowly, but surely. I'll possibly head off to Colombia at the beginning of next year for a semester teaching English, or I may stay in AZ to gain residency status and start a Spanish/English Translation program. This month I spent a few days at the Grand Canyon, a few days in Albuquerque, NM, and next month I'm going on a cruise to the "Mexican Riviera", and maybe doing a camping/touristy trip through the length of California. Amazing, incredible opportunities. Opportunities I wouldn't have if I were married right now. Sometimes I get impatient waiting for that opportunity to come, but I know it will eventually, and it will be when and where I will benefit most from it.

Every once in a while a blast from the past will come out of nowhere and remind me where I've been. It's been happening a lot this year, especially through meaningful conversations with people I could have married at different junctures in life. Three of the six guys I dated long-term have approached me this year to clear up any hard feelings and/or express gratitude for the things we learned during our times together. I've realized before that it is a great blessing for things to have turned out the way they did in each relationship I've had, and was recently thinking of how happy I am for all my ex-boyfriends who are married (all are married except the very first guy and the most recent guy I've dated) and how well each one's wife complements them in a way that I either either didn't want to do or would not have been able to do. Sure, I could have made it work with them, but it makes me waaay more happy that each one is making it work with the woman they are with now. I don't think that conveys how really happy I am for these guys and their respective wives.

It's nice to feel that I have no unfinished business with these guys. It's interesting to think about what an 'alternate universe' could have brought if I'd followed down a different path. My mom was married at age 19, and growing up, I always intended to get married young also, but I'm VERY grateful for the knowledge and experience I have gained over the last 9 years as an unmarried woman. It has been a gift to learn and grow through relationships and changes in my life, and it will be a gift to learn and grow through a relationship with a much longer-term companion sometime in the future.