House of Cards

I read a book today called A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. It is only about 86 pages, but really very good. Lewis was a 'confirmed bachelor' for many years, and married a woman who died of cancer 4 years later. The book is a small journal of his process of bereavement an effort to keep his faith intact in the face of such a loss.

The past few years in my life have been a process of questioning a good deal of my convictions as well as my personal hopes and desires. I lived for a long time according to the set of goals/beliefs/behaviors that were given to me by other people, but I decided that I didn't want to live like that anymore. It has been a slow, but very rewarding process. Right now I'm smack-dab in the middle of the process of looking at my faith in, and relationship with, God. I'm trying not to hurry the process and 'make' myself come to the 'right' conclusion. I want my relationship with Him to be more meaningful and real this time, rather than doing what I know I should do and feeling what I think a good disciple should feel towards Him.