Dang! You got shocks, pegs....Lucky!

A friend of mine who recently moved across the country gave me temporary charge of her bicycle and I'm waaay excited about it! I've been wanting one for a while, but hadn't taken any action around getting one, especially since Cordova does not seem to be a bicycle/pedestrian friendly town. But the weather seems to be thinking about becoming spring-y some time soon, and I'm gonna start venturing out on two wheels instead of four around my neighborhood and in Shelby Farms! Aaron, my triathlete friend, came over last night to air up the tires for me, and I got a lesson in changing bike tires. After he left, I rode around my complex to check my mail. I was awkwardly manuvering over a speed bump on a hill when a van came down the street & I realized I was on the wrong side of the road, but I survived!...and picked up some speed & comfort on the trip home :)

Midnight Pancakes

headwrap club

I've entered a new identity group. I wrap my head, and in doing so, have given myself permission to speak to strangers whom I normally would probably never have approached. There are a LOT of cultures where headcoverings for women are customary, or at least not unusual. I knew this fact, but had never really considered it. Jewish, Muslim, Indian, African(-American), Catholic nuns, and aparently some other Christian faiths, all include a custom of wearing head scarves of some fashion, to some degree.

I was in the fabric section at Wal-Mart a few weeks ago, looking for new material, feeling pretty lost and uneducated, and wishing I could talk to someone about fabrics & styles, etc. when a woman walked up with her husband and started looking at fabric on my aisle. I glanced over and, voila! She was dressed in typical Muslim clothing, complete with head covering! I acted on the impulse, before I could talk myself out of it, and asked her what she recommended. She told me she buys scarves from India, rather than make them herself, but gave me some pointers. I expressed my uneasiness around being a little white girl who's not sick, herself, and doesn't subscribe to any of the cultures that typically embody headwrapping...basically I told her I don't want to be a "poser" with this. She seemed surprized at this attitude and reassured me that there are many cultures in which women cover their heads, and that it is really quite common. I thanked her for talking with me & went on to buy a few pieces of material (that were WAAY too big for my purposes, but was later able to cut down to size & get a few identical scarves), and went on my way, happy that I had not let my hesitancy get the best of me :)

Yesterday, I was walking on campus and noticed a couple of african-american girls with wraps on their heads. One was beautiful, and I approached the girl and asked if she would explain to me how to tie a scarf that way. It turned out to be a sarong (read: Huge piece of fabric) that she got from Africa, and explained that her friend, who is Muslim and was the other girl standing next to her, had actually taught her how to wrap it. We introduced ourselves and chatted for a few minutes; one told me that Target had a sale going on for large square scarves, and gave me some tips, and they told me they'd pray for me and Becky. We then went our separate ways, and I was again struck by the simplicity and assurance I had possessed in the exchange. Historically, I've been fairly timid around approaching strangers to ask for advice or even just wanting to meet someone, but those two encounters were really quite natural.
I ended up seeing the girls two other times throughout the day, and stopped to talk again at our third meeting. I thought it was strange that we had run into each other so many times in such a short period (the last time was at Target while I was looking for said scarf sale), and I'm feeling open to whatever "The Universe" has in store for me around this experience, if any. Maybe I'll make some cool, random friends who aren't from church or recovery through this :)

Anyway, just thought this was interesting & wanted to record it.

blind photographer

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/object/article?o=0&f=/c/a/2005/02/18/EBG90B98SE1.DTL

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2005/02/27/PKG5QBEBB01.DTL

I was really tempted to drop my photo class again this semester when I realized that I would be able to graduate next semester if I let go of my minor in photography, and just focused on the Spanish major. But when it came down to making the actual decision, I felt prompted to keep going in the photo direction. So I'm still at it. And despite my dislike for darkroom printing and such, I am excited about our first assignment in Photo II.

I was sitting in the library studying for another class when the question popped into my mind whether one who is blind would be able to be a photographer...what would that look like? We all know of the great composers who were deaf, but could one express the interpretation of light and space while unable to receive it in his own senses? I did a quick google for 'blind photographer' and apparently the San Francisco Chronicle staff have a penchant for such a thing...I found two articles right off the bat from their publication & thought I'd share them. :)

I'm going to refrain from waxing philosophical on this just yet...

Becky and Faith

My dear friend Becky was my reason for visiting Norman, and I had a full week of spending most of the day with her. We watched the Food Network and movies and talked and napped and ate...mostly we ate.

Becky is sick. I knew that; I'd talked to her numerous times on the phone over the past few weeks, but the gravity of it couldn't sink in until I saw her in person. The cancer is affecting her nervous system, causing her weakness and pain. She can't walk without help, she tires easily, and her voice is being affected by the medications. It was overwhelming the first day, to see my spunky, feisty friend use a walker & keep a notebook of her many meds. After the initial shock of the first day, though, I was able to see that despite her illness, that the girl is still my Becky. There is a difference between someone who is 'being strong' and someone who is strong. Becky IS STRONG! She doesn't put up a front and act strong about the situation she's in, rather, she's got what it takes to face this trial full on and do whatever it is that Heavenly Father wants her to in this experience.

It was an honor to witness the solidarity of character that she possesses. And to see that she can be frustrated and scared, and struggle with her faith in this process, which doesn't take away from her strength, because is it part of her! Someone asked me at church how she was doing, and said she'd heard that Becky was struggling with her faith. I realized that some people want to see the stone-faced stance in someone who is going through a trial. But the REAL perseverance and growth that comes in a trial is to struggle (which some people, in their fear, hear as "lose") and become stronger in one's faith, which doesn't come from saying so, but from experiencing the spectrum of feelings and uncertainties and finding how to let God mold one's heart and will according to His plan. It's not something one can just decide and make happen. In that case, it's not real, but just another example of 'being strong'. I think this is part of what I have always loved about Becky - She's got faith, but that doesn't mean she can't experience the feelings and emotions that come with being mortal along with her faith.

The image that comes to mind is that of birth. A fetus struggles in the womb and birth canal, and gets worn out in the process, and cries and most likely doesn't want to progress to the next phase of the unknown world, but it's inevitable and, really, for the best to be born. We don't fault a child (or a mother) for screaming and wishing to not be in that situation, but because of it, one is made stronger and able to progress, either as a newborn child with his mortal life before him, or as a mother with the opportunity to love in a new, greater capacity.

Norman, OK 73071

I spent the first week of my break in Norman, Oklahoma, which is where my heart calls home. I know that place inside and out.

One evening I drove past all my old apartments and places of work and such; 'haunting' my old haunts. It brought back a lot of memories. That town is full of me and my life as a young college student just starting off on her own. I'm not exagerating when I say that for pretty much every apartment complex in the town, I could name someone I had known who had lived there. I drove through an intersection and had flash-backs of the time I was ticketed for 'running' a yellow light. I knew names of side streets before the signs were visible. I passed places I'd been on dates, restaurants that roommates and I ate at according to our moods, drove by the church, institute and university and had a FLOOD of memories rush into my head of people I had known and activities I had attended. It was fun to come back to a place that I loved and learned so much in, and to experience so many memories from a different perspective. It was drizzling that night the same way it did the first evening I ventured out to explore Norman after having moved into my dorm at OU, 7-1/2 years ago.

Next to people, the thing I miss most about Norman, and Oklahoma altogether, is food. There are so many restaurants that I love there that we don't have in Memphis. I spent most of the week taking advantage of the opportunity to eat the food I miss, like Ted's Cafe Escondido (went there twice), Taco Bueno (made three trips), Braum's (two runs), Jamba Juice (twice), and Pizza Shuttle & Mazzio's (once each). I didn't get to go to Hideaway Pizza or Toto's this time, and Tony Marbel's has closed down, but I think I got a good food fix. :)

Oh, by golly have a holly jolly Christmas, this year

The semester is over, and I'm a week & a half into my Christmas break. I love being a student if for no other reason than that my schedule is incredibly more flexible than when I worked 40 hours a week.


I finished this semester with three B's and an A, and feel quite satisfied with that. This semester was an exercise in easing up on my perfectionism and need to follow rules precisely. I didn't study for tests as much as I usually feel obligated to, didn't stress as much about assignments, and didn't go over my papers 10 billion times to make sure every word was perfectly suited and strategically placed to make me sound as absolutely astute as possible. I practiced letting go of a lot of stress and worry around my classes, and was surprised several times that I scored higher on things than I thought I would, sometimes just as high as I would have if I had spent all that perfectionistic energy on the assignment.

shorn

My roommate's dad shaved my head for me on Saturday. I keep startling myself when I walk past mirrors or reach up to scratch my head. And I can't keep from rubbing my head if I'm sitting talking to someone or watching tv. It feels so different. Becky's been on my mind more than ever the last two days. I've been wearing the head scarf that she gave me a few years ago, which is really special/significant to me. I was getting ready to go in to church yesterday, and the thought occured to me that I've shaven my head 'in remembrance' of Becky. It is a constant reminder of her in my life and a symbol to myself and others of the relationship I have with her. I wondered if I have the same kind of apparent 'remembrance' of the Savior in my life. I think I probably do, just not so starkly apparent to me, because they've become more of an integrated part of my life.

It's interesting, too, because my head leads me to remember Christ and His atonement more, also. I realize that my efforts to support Becky are so miniscule in the broad range of experiences she's going through with this. But Christ has experienced it all. I can't appreciate what's going on, but he can. It helps me see how much I can be an instrument in His hands in succoring the people in my life, but I can't help anyone truely without His guidance.