The Real Woman Creed

You know those little things around the house that sit in front of you all the time, and become invisible because they're so obvious? I rediscovered one this week! A year or so ago, a friend gave me a copy something that inspired her, and it stays pinned up on my bulletin board above my desk. A few nights ago, I suddenly saw it again & actually read it for the first time in a while. It's good stuff, so I thought I'd share :)

THE REAL WOMAN CREED

I believe that within me lies an extraordinary radiance,
and I commit to letting my light loose in the world.

I believe that the source of my power and wisdom is in the center

of my being, and I commit to acting from this place of strength.

I belive that I possess an abundance of passion and creative

potential and I commit to the expression of these gifts.

I believe that the time has come to let go of old notions

and unhealthy attitudes, and I commit to re-examine what

I have been told about beauty and dismiss what insults my soul.

I believe that negative thoughts and words compromise

my well-being, and I commit to thinking and speaking postitively

about myself and others.

I believe that young women are in need of positive role models,

and I commit to being an example of authenticity and self-love.

I belive in the relationship between my well-being and the well-being

of the planet, and I commit to a life of mindfulness that regards

all living things as holy and worthy of my love.

I believe it is my spiritual responsibility to care for my body

with respect, kindness and compassion. I commit to balancing my

life in such a way that my physical being is fully expressed and nurtured.

I belive that joy is an essential part of wellness, and I commit

to removing obstacles to joy and creating a life that is full of exuberance.

I belive that a woman who loves herself is a powerful,

passionate, attractive force, and I commit, from this day forward,

to loving myself deeply and extravagantly.

Grand Canyon!

Mike & I camped at the Grand Canyon a few weeks ago. That night's low? 22F! I was prepared with a sleeping bag, lots o' layers of clothes, and a big sheet of plastic to wrap myself up burrito-style inside the sleeping bag & was toasty warm all night, but he was roughin' it, seeing how well he could tolerate the cold with just what we used on the trail at anasazi (where he also works)...he survived, but said his feet were freezing most of the night! We lucked out to get to the south rim just in time for a few sunset pics, and then dragged ourselves from our beds at 4:45 a.m. to get there for the sunrise also! Beautiful sights!









The crows around there were crazy big! I got really close to this one while he was sitting on the stone wall before he took off & I caught this.


Ummmmazing!

New Kid

I remember feeling this way when I moved to Memphis. Knew it was part of the package in moving to Mesa...and this week I am officially frustrated with being new in town, not knowing people, and wanting a few good friends. My ward at church is huge, and somewhat overwhelming, which I have let hinder me in jumping in with both feet. 80-100 people at FHE every week feels kind of ridiculous to me and, with my quiet voice, it's not a good way to start getting to know people.

I don't see any certain group of people with any consistency here, like I did in Memphis, which means I'm gonna have to make a more proactive effort to make friends. There are a TON of people here that I could meet and get to know, in and out of my ward/stake/neighborhood. The people I've met through Kirsten all live on the other side of town, and the people I've met through institute are spread all over. I've joined a couple of photography Meetup groups online, but not been careful about scheduling around the times they get together. And sometimes I feel lazy/antisocial/intimidated about getting out and meeting new people, like tonight for instance!

Some girls in my ward had a 'crazy hat/sock birthday party' tonigh, but I chickened out of going at the last minute cause I had nothing to wear and didn't want it to turn into another wander-around-in-a-room-too-loud-for-others-to-hear-me-talk scenario. Mostly I didn't want to go alone. But I gotta get to know people if I don't want to go alone.

This week I'ma make the effort find someone who I can/want get to know enough to feel comfortable calling to go with me to something like tonight's party. I need a wing-woman!...or something like that :)

something new

I'm going to start posting more often. My dilemma in blogging is that I seem to make pretty superficial posts, or write more personal things that feel like a page out of a diary. There's a balance to be found, and I'm my goal is to find & develop it. This goes along with a lot of how I've been feeling the past several weeks. I'm looking for a balance, a nitch that I really fit into, rather the two extremes I seem to fall into in life...I find myself doing something that is an effort at looking like I'm cool, savvy, interesting, but I really don't know what i'm doing or going to another extreme of throwing everything I've got into an interest for a few days, then deciding it's not really what I want.

My lifelong paradigm has been that I want to be cool, but I want to be smart. And I can't seem to be able to find a way to be either, let alone both.

Same thing with friends. I like a lot of the people around me, but I have trouble feeling like I REALLY connect with anyone to the point of being good friends. So I make an effort to be social, smile a lot, try to connect with people, but come away wanting more from the interaction. OR, I spend a lot of time at home, doing things I enjoy, which could also be shared with other people, only, I don't know anyone whom I would enjoy sharing them with.

So, I'm not quite sure what the solution is to all that, but I'm going to try to practice finding a middle by practicing writing a balanced exposition of my thought and feelings and doings.

What Might Have Been, or, Finished Business

I'm pretty happy with my life lately. I struck out on my own to move to Phoenix, AZ a few months ago and am figuring out my place here slowly, but surely. I'll possibly head off to Colombia at the beginning of next year for a semester teaching English, or I may stay in AZ to gain residency status and start a Spanish/English Translation program. This month I spent a few days at the Grand Canyon, a few days in Albuquerque, NM, and next month I'm going on a cruise to the "Mexican Riviera", and maybe doing a camping/touristy trip through the length of California. Amazing, incredible opportunities. Opportunities I wouldn't have if I were married right now. Sometimes I get impatient waiting for that opportunity to come, but I know it will eventually, and it will be when and where I will benefit most from it.

Every once in a while a blast from the past will come out of nowhere and remind me where I've been. It's been happening a lot this year, especially through meaningful conversations with people I could have married at different junctures in life. Three of the six guys I dated long-term have approached me this year to clear up any hard feelings and/or express gratitude for the things we learned during our times together. I've realized before that it is a great blessing for things to have turned out the way they did in each relationship I've had, and was recently thinking of how happy I am for all my ex-boyfriends who are married (all are married except the very first guy and the most recent guy I've dated) and how well each one's wife complements them in a way that I either either didn't want to do or would not have been able to do. Sure, I could have made it work with them, but it makes me waaay more happy that each one is making it work with the woman they are with now. I don't think that conveys how really happy I am for these guys and their respective wives.

It's nice to feel that I have no unfinished business with these guys. It's interesting to think about what an 'alternate universe' could have brought if I'd followed down a different path. My mom was married at age 19, and growing up, I always intended to get married young also, but I'm VERY grateful for the knowledge and experience I have gained over the last 9 years as an unmarried woman. It has been a gift to learn and grow through relationships and changes in my life, and it will be a gift to learn and grow through a relationship with a much longer-term companion sometime in the future.

U-Turns

There is a pattern I have found in my life, in which I go confidently in a direction I feel divinely led in, having received a confirmation that I am where I need to be, doing what I need to be doing...and then things change suddenly, that direction is not so right anymore, and a new, "turn right" direction seems to be given, followed by another, immediate "turn right again...Now, GO!" And I have essentially made a u-turn while following the Road Map of Life. I used to get incredibly frustrated at this, insisting "I'm trying my best to follow His will, and then he goes and all of a sudden changes His will for me?! Why did I do such&such only to have that plan not be completed?! That's so not cool! Couldn't He just tell me straight up, "this is where you're going next," and give me a shortcut once in a while?!" And so on, and so on, questioning my previous feelings of confidence in my actions and plans, questioning the accuracy of my interpretations of the changes of plan, and feeling bitter that I once again didn't know what my next destination was going to look like.

But I've gotten used to the fact that that is the way my Higher Power leads me in my life. The hymn "Lead Kindly Light" came to my mind repeatedly during my hike last week, trying to be careful not to step on loose rocks on the cliffs or twist my ankle in creekbed stones, I thought of these words frequently "Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see The distant scene; one step enough for me." All I could do was continually look forward to the next right step (or sometimes two or three) and take it, over and over and over again.

And so, Friday when I was getting ready to meet with the Field director at Anasazi, I thought again that I had not felt a settling sense of peace in my being a trailwalker over the three weeks I had spent in training and on the trail. That the program was amazing, yes; that it would be a challenging and rewarding job, YES; that I wanted to do my best to fill the shoes that were being offered me, yes! But that I felt a sense that this was for sure where I needed to be right now, no; I had felt iffy on the several times I'd prayed about it. So I prayed again. Same feeling.

I realized that the thought of working with children had come to me several times during the past few weeks, which I had repeatedly dismissed ('been there, done that already, I'm ready for, and doing, something new!'). But I went ahead and pondered & prayed about that as well, afterward feeling a peace & nudging that I should pursue that path. "Ok, so, let me get this straight, HF...you want me to let go of the job that I came out here for, that I'm almost guaranteed to have, that I'm already being PAID for...to pursue a line of work that I don't have any leads on? That's a leap of faith, for sure, but I'll take it if You want me to..." And the peace of that decision came. So I went to my meeting & told the Field Director that I love the program, was really looking forward to doing my best at the job, but felt led to do something else, and that I hope the timing will be right to work there sometime later. He said that I was welcome to reapply whenever I felt it would work, and that he hadn't been sure whether to hire me with a 4-month committment or to do another trial week, since they had not had any new patient admissions for the past two weeks, and were looking at the possibility of being overstaffed if this trend continues.

I feel good about this decision, although it's scary...I'm unemployed after working one month, after having been unemployed for a month before that...but I've gotten several leads from people I've talked to over the past few days, applied to a few places, made a few phone calls, and continued praying for guidance. We'll see how it all works out! Because it always DOES work out...some way or another! :D

Lessons from the Trail

Week two went more smoothly than the first week I spent as a TrailWalker! I've got the basic logistics of surviving out there in the wilderness down pretty well...I can make a shelter under which to sleep, talk the radio lingo with RidgeWalk, cook several recipes over open fire in my little stainless steel cup, drink 4-7 canteens of chlorine-dropped creek or pond water per day, and hike 20 miles of riverbed that alternates between cliffs and river-rock terrain over a period of 5 days! All while building relationships with the YoungWalkers and hanging around camp in our down time.

One of the guys saw a mountain lion several hundred yards from our camp one evening. That got everyone a little nervous, and as I was walking back to my shelter shortly after dusk to bring something back to the fire, I jumped about five feet in the air and gave a little shriek when someone sitting at his shelter just off the path said "Is that you, Eve?" Another of the guys said he woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of a growl from across the creek & could smell "wet cat", but we all survived nonetheless!

The most salient lesson learned this week by yours truly? Look before you sit! While coming down from a mesa at a steep incline, one of my trainers yelled back to me and the other TW to recommend that we stop & check in with Ridge before we went too far down into the canyon to get good radio reception. Since I was carrying the radio on my pack, and was grateful for the opportunity to rest for a moment, I promptly stepped off the trail and sat down on the rock that was just behind my feet at that moment. And just as promptly stood back up! There was a cluster of small fishhook barrel cacti growing out of the crack of the rock, and I had planted the left side of my rear right into them...So instead of sitting, resting & checking in, I left my pack and the radio to the other trailwalker while I found a tree to hang out behind while I pulled cactus spines from my butt and the seat of my hiking pants for the next 10 minutes or so. I'm pretty sure that's a lesson I'll not have to learn again!

I'm making a spoon from a length of Juniper branch, which I'm eager to finish next week! I've been using the blade of my knife as my cooking/eating utensil this week, so a spoon will be a welcome addition to my supplies, for sure!

My hiking is still slow, and I was far in the back of the band most of the time while traveling, but I'm definitely making progress and getting stronger...slowly but surely!

I was with a great group of people this week, and had some really good talks with the YoungWalkers. This program is so full of true principles and good learning opportunties, and a good part the YoungWalkers this week were interested in improving themselves and leaving behind the things that had helped them 'backwards walk' at home. We had an overall great week! And the stars were pretty amazing to lay under this week, too!

The Weather is Here, Wish You were Beautiful!

I'm still alive...just thought I'd put that out there. And I made a successful move to Mesa, Arizona almost a month ago!

My dad helped me drive a 10' moving truck and my car out from Memphis, a trip we made in three days, and I met my brand-spankin' new step-family during a stop overnight at his place in Oklahoma.

My domestic project now is to fit a whole 1-bedroom apartment's worth of stuff in to...1 bedroom. I'm living with my cousin Ashley and her two little girls, ages 6 & 2, in a 3-bedroom condo, thanks to some very auspicious circumstances, and enjoying getting to know these fun, fun girls! Ashley & I hadn't really spent much time together in the past 12-15 years, so it's been good to get reacquainted, for sure!

Can I just say that I love, Love, LOVE the desert!? The dry air is so freakin' great after 5 years of such ridiculous humidity in the Mississippi River Delta of Memphis! It's true, 105 degrees in Phoenix feels like 90 degress + humidity in Memphis. I can totally handle this...as long as there's shade available once in a while! It's really being IN the sun that makes it HOT, but the air is definitely doable.

My new job at the Anasazi Foundation has been an adventure, as I hoped it would be! Last week I went out on the trail for 8 days of training after a week of in-office training. The first day we hiked 8 miles along creek bed. I thought I might die, but it's amazing what the human body is capable of! The first three days were tough, and I questioned a lot whether this living primatively, hiking, no showers/facilities, sleeping on the ground stuff what really something I wanted to do every other week for the next several months of my life. I could make a difference with PEOPLE in other ways, right?! But after some really good experiences during the second half of my week, and after getting the hang of all the survival logistics, I'm pumped about it! I'm doing a second trial week starting Wednesday, just to make sure I really want to commit, but I'm pretty sure it's gonna be a great experience! I really enjoyed getting to know the YoungWalkers I worked with, although we had some struggles at first. The principles are true, and the way the program embodies them is a great method!