Finished!!

6 towels, two rotary blades, and many hours of tying later....

My rug is complete!

I'm getting better at actually finishing projects, but I have a complex about it that stems from starting a quilt for my baby brother when he was in utero. He is now 9.5 years old & I still pull it out every few months to quilt a strand or two before setting it aside & forgetting about it for a while. But this is DONE!! and I'm super excited about it.

I think my next project will be a wreath of rosettes made from book pages. Wish me luck!!

Pinterest Project!

{Inspiration}

+

{Supplies}

Three towels from Goodwill on 50%-off-Saturday for $3.97

Two yards of anti-slip mat from Joann for $5.22

One rotary cutter from Michael's for $15.23

=

A very good start to a very awesome project.

Tutorial here!

Eve will be in Utah July 28-31!

And in San Diego a few days before that! Beaches. Balboa park. Checking out the prospective YSA scene. Six Flags. Maybe Las Vegas. Zion NP. Brother & sister-in-law. Boating. Temples. Eating. Old friends. A wedding. All but two people I've talked to related to the trip (excluding the happy couple-to-be) has said "bring your bathing suit". Next week is gonna rock. :D

Also, unrelated. This is my new favorite tv show.

What is this pitter-patter of wet stuff hitting my windshield?!

I grew up in Tornado Alley. Thunderstorms were a regular, and beloved on my part, occurance throughout the year. I thrilled to being awoken by a clap of thunder and flash of lightning. My childhood home had a tin roof that gave the drops a special 'ping'. Every April & October the weather geared up for the really SEVERE stuff of tornadoes in May & November. I loved the greenishness of the air that indicated a tornado was on it's way.


The closest a tornado got to my family was one that touched down 1/2 a mile to the west of our house, picked back up & went over us, then touched down 1/2 a mile to the east of us. It was pretty exciting. Then there was the year at our church Girl's Camp when there were 100ish teen girls and 30ish leaders crammed into the cinderblock restroom structure on the shores of Eufaula Lake during a tornado warning. Stuff like that makes the adrenaline tingle in my fingertips. Love it!

Now, here in Arizona, it has rained once since March. I've been anticipating monsoon season for a few weeks, and Friday the sky looked a little promising for precipitation. I pointed out the lines of rain pouring down in the easternmost part of the valley to the kids as we were driving in the afternoon, but I was resigned to the fact that it was past us and moving further away, so we wouldn't be seeing any of that particular storm up close & personal.

Saturday was sunny & hot, but apparently we got a short shower in the middle of the night, as evidenced by the dusty circles on my windshields that evoked images of Lichtenstein's pop art in my mind. So - sunny, hot and more humid than usual, but no raindrops falling on my head. :/



Part of the package deal here in this Valley of the Sun is that when it does rain, the little pebbles on the side of the road get IN the road, and make for more windshield-chipping/cracking opportunities if one follows the car in front of one too closely, say, within about a quarter-mile on the freeway (which 'one' learned last October. Twice.). So I was a little aghast when I heard two or three little dings on my car roof while driving Saturday night well after dark. "How in the WORLD are pebbles hitting the top of my car?!" was my first thought. And then I saw a few drops hit my windshield, smearing the lingering dots of dirt like a tear down the tortured blonde's cheek (because my wiper fluid has evaporated in the past 3 weeks of 110+ heat).


It only sprinkled for about 7 minutes, but my little desert-aclimated heart beat a little faster & I think I almost got a teensy adrenaline high.



Bring on the monsoons, Arizona sky!

If you can't post a status that's bloggable, don't post nothin' at all.

I've decided to try something new here. I'm on facebook a lot. And I change my status on facebook a lot. So I'ma try to write a blog expanding on each status I post. Just for fun, and cause my inner narcissist likes the idea. Hopefully you will too. :)

Monitoring the Weather: 6th Language of Love?

I got my first smartphone a couple weeks ago. So super fun. I get to carry the internet with me everywhere, and we all know that the internet is the source of all knowledge, so how can that not rock?! Tonight we were driving on the 202 loop, talking about this awesome mountain north of Mesa that was a favorite of the four of us in the car; no one knew for sure what it is called, but it looks like a sinking ship. I thought it was Red Mountain, so I googled 'red mountain mesa' on my phone, and this is what popped up:

BINGO! Just like that, we knew for sure the name of this mountain. Awesome, no? (I know I'm a few years slow in this whole smartphone thing, but humor me, ok?)

So one of the apps that I downloaded to my phone last week is "Accuweather", which brings up current weather and predictions for locations you choose. Right now I have 8 locations saved - weather for my area, my old home of Memphis, my dad, my mom, my brothers, and the distant cities of three different friends. I check them daily.

When we lived in Oklahoma, a.k.a Tornado Alley, my parents' family members would call every time there was a tornado anywhere in the state. Especially my mom's mom. We might not talk to her for months at a time, but if the words Oklahoma and storm made it onto her weather report in California, we got an immediate phone call. It usually made me laugh, expecially when the storm was in the panhandle, and we lived in the furthest possible corner from the panhandle. But it was a way of showing that she cared, and that's always cool.

And now I find myself checking out how the weather is to get an idea of how the natural forces are treating these people who mean a lot to me. (I especially pay attention to the humidity of the areas. And I groan when it's frequently over 50% in almost all the places I check. Why can't everyone have 8-12% humidity like I do most of the time? Poor guys!) There's something about knowing what's going on in the environment of the people I care about that gives me a deeper sense of connection to them.

But on the other hand it feels slightly stalkerish...

Help! I'm Alive, My [Biological Clock] Keeps Beating Like a Hammer

Do you ever miss people you don't know? I have been lately. I miss the children I haven't had yet. When I first started working as a childcare provider, it was a way of channeling my mothering instincts to a venue that helped others as well as being a source of income for myself. It helped me not focus so much on being single and not having children of my own. Over the past year or so, though, my desire for my own children has stepped up a few notches, and it's starting to hurt.

I work about 45 hours a week, caring for as many as 9 children in four families between the ages of 1-7. I love these kids a heckuva lot. Both of my respite clients show me so, so much love. They greet me so enthusiastically when I come to their houses, give me heartwarming hugs throughout the time I'm there, and ask me not to leave when my shift is over. The almost 7 year-old clings onto my hand and asks concernedly "What are you doing?...No, Eve, No, I want you to stay" repeatedly when she sees me gathering my things and wrapping up business with her mother. The almost 3 year-old I watch three days a week cries and says "Hold you, Eva" when I start to leave at the end of the day. It touches and hurts my heart at the same time. I hate to leave the babies whom I love and care for in their parents' absence. I'm impressed at the easiness with which they love me, and the excitement they display when I come to their houses. The 7 year-old boy who tells me the schemes he's concocted to 'get' me 'fired' at least once a week, also tells me that he doesn't want me to ever stop coming over, and that he loves me, at least once a week.

The mothers I work for are 1-6 years older than me. I have pangs of jealousy at their opportunity to raise and love their own children full time. What is in store for me down the road? Will I be able to bear my own children? Will I be able to adopt? Will I have one, or two, or five? Will I have as much patience with my own as I do with these women's children? Will I have a husband who sticks around, who loves and plays with our babies the way I've seen fathers of these kids do? Is this experience of being a fill-in when these children's moms aren't available, and my role as an oldest sister to 7 siblings, the fulfilment my mission as a mother?

I don't think I could work for a mother who is younger than myself. I think it's hard enough seeing women in their late 20s with kids in 1st grade. I can't spend too much time looking at facebook photos or reading the blogs of my friends who have children. It starts to put me in a funk and I have to stop before I get too frustrated with my situation.

We hear a lot these days about the pain of infertility, of couples trying for years to get pregnant and being unsuccessful. There's a grieving process to it, and this is starting to become accepted and acknowledged by society. We don't hear much about involuntarily childless adults as a result of being single, of being infertile because there's no one around to fertilize one's eggs, so to speak. Of feeling like an outsider in a group of women because you're the only one who doesn't have your own children running around the playground. Of loving someone else's children so much that you miss seeing them over a three-day weekend. Of carrying diapers in your purse and extra stuffed animals in your car, and feeling like a poser when you come across them out of the childcare context.

For me now, at 28, it's not so much about whether I'll get married (I have a good bit of faith that that will happen at some point), but it's more of a question of when and whether I will have a child/children of my own to nurture and raise, and if I will have the opportunity to experience all the aspects of motherhood, from pregnancy to sleepless nights, to watching my little one grow into an adult and having children of their own.

What these arms and heart want is to love and care for someone(s) who I won't have to say goodbye to every afternoon or evening. Is that too much to ask?

Yogianity

I have been missing yoga for the past several weeks. Memphis had several studios that I visited occasionally, and the last three semesters of school I took classes through the school and really loved it, but I didn't keep it up after graduation. I've been looking this morning at studios in my area, and found a few I'd like to check out.

One studio I found advertises itself as "offering a wide variety of classes, including our Christian "Faith Yoga", which the site defines as 'practicing yoga with a Christ-centered focus, designed to deepen your walk with the Lord...Exercising the body and mind while meditating on God's Word has a lasting affect on your life'. I found myself feeling very taken aback by this syncretism of sorts.

For me, yoga is a very Eastern religion/culture thing. I love it for it's spirituality without blatant religion (that I'm familiar with, anyway). I can connect through yoga and meditation in a way that enhances my Western Christian Restorationist religious understanding of God and the value of a human soul, in ways that I never got in practicing my religion on its own. I am definitely an advocate for the maxim "if there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things." There is so much in the world that contributes to peace and love of God that is not strictly within the confines of a specific religion or way of thought. Yoga is one of those for me. But I'm not sure at first glance about this Christian Yoga stuff. My reaction to it is a fear that the intrinsic spirituality that is contained in yoga practice might be misplaced in the zealous effort of a studio to bring Christ into it so conspicuously. The beauty of yoga for me is the universality of the opportunity to connect with one's individual higher power, the lack of dogma, the openness it presents as being a form of exercise, or a spiritual stretch. I don't want someone to tell me what to think when i'm meditating - that's not the point of meditation!

Maybe this class is the answer to someone's desire for enhancing their own western christian spirituality, but I think I'd rather take my own path rather than be told how to integrate the two elements of Christianity and Yoga practice. However, I may check it out just to see how my knee-jerk reaction measures up against the actual experience.

Namaste, ya'll! ;)

Synchronicity = Tender Mercies

I stumbled upon an article, Synchronicity as a Sign, from Meridian Magazine this morning. It reminded me of Elder Bednar's talk from April 2005 The Tender Mercies of the Lord. I believe God answers our prayers in a myriad of ways, and have a profound gratitude for His small expressions of love for me as His daughter.

Because it's New Years Day...

2009 was good to me, overall, and I'm hoping 2010 will continue in the same vein. Kirsten & I were talking tonight about our accomplishments this year, and I wanted to write mine down. It occured to me upon coming to my blog to do so that I really already have recorded them, but this will be my Year in Review.



2009

January - I made some big decisions about what I wanted in my life and how to go about reaching those goals and desires. After grappling with several philosophical questions the year before, I decided I was ready to take things on in a proactive way & work to make my life what I wanted it to be.



February - a tough month academically. I took some hefty classes my last semester, and things started getting to the nitty gritty in February. That took up the majority of my energy. I also started a regular weekly babysitting job with a precious, busy three year-old boy in Germantown.



March - I turned 27 with a roller skating party! I also explored parts of Memphis that I had not experienced in my 4-1/2 years there...seeing the National Civil Rights Museum, the Peabody Ducks, the Pink Palace Museum, and other sights. And I painted and decorated my bedroom.



April - My digital camera came in the mail! I started working on improving my photography skills again, and started my other blog.



May - One word: GRADUATION!!

I also said goodbye to a very dear friend. She moved on to the next life, leaving much love and memories among the people who knew her.



June - Lots of working, planning for a move, and playing with friends.



July - More playing, working, and planning.



August - I moved to Mesa!!!



September - Worked at Anasazi Foundation for a few weeks, and then looked for a job in childcare. Went to the Grand Canyon.



October - Became a nanny to three great kids! Went to the Albuquerque Hot Air Balloon Fiesta with Memphis friends.



November - CRUISE! Celebrated thanksgiving with old and new friends. Began a search for my ancestors and got interested in family history.



December - Went to Mexico. Received my Endowments in the Mesa Temple. Went to Oklahoma for Christmas and got caught in a blizzard, ended up spending Christmas Eve in a prison to wait it out the storm!

I had some great adventures with some great people this year. Here's to more in 2010!

When I admire the wonder of a sunset...my soul expands in worship of the Creator ~ Mahatma Ghandi

The crowning aspect of living here, for me, is the sunsets. After spending a week on a luxurious boat, stopping at famously beautiful cities and beaches on the Pacific coast of Mexico, hiking through a lush jungle and snorkeling with amazing fish, I found myself on my drive home, ecstatic about the Arizona skies, bathed in the colors of the setting sun. This daily phenomenon could be enough to live for if I had nothing else.

"What I did on the 2nd week of November"

I went on a cruise.

It was amazing.

Be jealous.



Pictures will come soon.

I'm (Getting) On A Boat!

This Saturday, I'm heading to LA to meet up with my brother, his roommate, and one of our mutual friends for a 7-night cruise! I'll be thinking of you while livin' it up along the Pacific coast of Mexico...I promise! :D

I can't pack lightly...it just doesn't happen, and it's something I give myself permission to do, so the large majority of my closet is sitting in a pile in my open suitcase tonight, along with my snorkel, camera(s), and several books I'm eager to read on my vacation. We registered this spring, so I've been looking forward to this for a long time, but it kinda snuck up on me, and now I can't believe it's here!

So, if you notice I'm not living on Facebook like usual, know that it's because I'm feasting on the buffets & trying to figure out how in the world they folded my towel into the shape of a 1964-1/2 Mustang...

(I'm just crossing my fingers that renditions of T-Pain's musical masterpiece will be kept to a minimum.)

From CR Tortuga Island

Last time I was on a boat, in Costa Rica, they ran out of gas on our way home!

Baby Factories

It seems like just about every other day, someone is putting up pictures of their newborn child on my Facebook news feed. The other night, I was curious to know if my noticing this was some unconscious hyper-sensitivity of mine about not having children, or a legitimate reality, so I did a quick survey of my 'friends list' to count how many were pregnant or had had a child in 2009...the result? 50 babies born to 449 friends! (Some of whom are married to each other and parents of the same said babies). So, over 10 percent of my friends have had babies in this year alone.

Feeling validated in my hypothesis, I clicked the 'Home' link before closing out the window & going to bed, and a new status popped up from a friend I haven't talked to in a year or two: "Tom Church Is going to offically be a daddy today...my lil man should be here sometime around 9am."

...make that 51.

New Look!

October always ends up being a time for me to renovate my hair and/or makeup. It's sad that it takes considering what to be for halloween (looking like someone else) for me to decide I want to change the way *I* look! I've been tossing around the idea of getting bangs since this summer, and finally did it today!


Here's my 'before' - no makeup, 2 month-old haircut with no styling.



and, after an hour with Emily at the JCPenney salon down the street, here's my Audrey Hepburn-inspired-with-a-modern-twist new 'do! (I'm reprising my Audrey costume from a few years ago...rationale: no one in Mesa has seen it, so it's "new"!)



I realized while talking with my hairstylist, that I haven't had bangs in 13 years! I'm happy with the change so far :)

The Real Woman Creed

You know those little things around the house that sit in front of you all the time, and become invisible because they're so obvious? I rediscovered one this week! A year or so ago, a friend gave me a copy something that inspired her, and it stays pinned up on my bulletin board above my desk. A few nights ago, I suddenly saw it again & actually read it for the first time in a while. It's good stuff, so I thought I'd share :)

THE REAL WOMAN CREED

I believe that within me lies an extraordinary radiance,
and I commit to letting my light loose in the world.

I believe that the source of my power and wisdom is in the center

of my being, and I commit to acting from this place of strength.

I belive that I possess an abundance of passion and creative

potential and I commit to the expression of these gifts.

I believe that the time has come to let go of old notions

and unhealthy attitudes, and I commit to re-examine what

I have been told about beauty and dismiss what insults my soul.

I believe that negative thoughts and words compromise

my well-being, and I commit to thinking and speaking postitively

about myself and others.

I believe that young women are in need of positive role models,

and I commit to being an example of authenticity and self-love.

I belive in the relationship between my well-being and the well-being

of the planet, and I commit to a life of mindfulness that regards

all living things as holy and worthy of my love.

I believe it is my spiritual responsibility to care for my body

with respect, kindness and compassion. I commit to balancing my

life in such a way that my physical being is fully expressed and nurtured.

I belive that joy is an essential part of wellness, and I commit

to removing obstacles to joy and creating a life that is full of exuberance.

I belive that a woman who loves herself is a powerful,

passionate, attractive force, and I commit, from this day forward,

to loving myself deeply and extravagantly.

Grand Canyon!

Mike & I camped at the Grand Canyon a few weeks ago. That night's low? 22F! I was prepared with a sleeping bag, lots o' layers of clothes, and a big sheet of plastic to wrap myself up burrito-style inside the sleeping bag & was toasty warm all night, but he was roughin' it, seeing how well he could tolerate the cold with just what we used on the trail at anasazi (where he also works)...he survived, but said his feet were freezing most of the night! We lucked out to get to the south rim just in time for a few sunset pics, and then dragged ourselves from our beds at 4:45 a.m. to get there for the sunrise also! Beautiful sights!









The crows around there were crazy big! I got really close to this one while he was sitting on the stone wall before he took off & I caught this.


Ummmmazing!

New Kid

I remember feeling this way when I moved to Memphis. Knew it was part of the package in moving to Mesa...and this week I am officially frustrated with being new in town, not knowing people, and wanting a few good friends. My ward at church is huge, and somewhat overwhelming, which I have let hinder me in jumping in with both feet. 80-100 people at FHE every week feels kind of ridiculous to me and, with my quiet voice, it's not a good way to start getting to know people.

I don't see any certain group of people with any consistency here, like I did in Memphis, which means I'm gonna have to make a more proactive effort to make friends. There are a TON of people here that I could meet and get to know, in and out of my ward/stake/neighborhood. The people I've met through Kirsten all live on the other side of town, and the people I've met through institute are spread all over. I've joined a couple of photography Meetup groups online, but not been careful about scheduling around the times they get together. And sometimes I feel lazy/antisocial/intimidated about getting out and meeting new people, like tonight for instance!

Some girls in my ward had a 'crazy hat/sock birthday party' tonigh, but I chickened out of going at the last minute cause I had nothing to wear and didn't want it to turn into another wander-around-in-a-room-too-loud-for-others-to-hear-me-talk scenario. Mostly I didn't want to go alone. But I gotta get to know people if I don't want to go alone.

This week I'ma make the effort find someone who I can/want get to know enough to feel comfortable calling to go with me to something like tonight's party. I need a wing-woman!...or something like that :)

something new

I'm going to start posting more often. My dilemma in blogging is that I seem to make pretty superficial posts, or write more personal things that feel like a page out of a diary. There's a balance to be found, and I'm my goal is to find & develop it. This goes along with a lot of how I've been feeling the past several weeks. I'm looking for a balance, a nitch that I really fit into, rather the two extremes I seem to fall into in life...I find myself doing something that is an effort at looking like I'm cool, savvy, interesting, but I really don't know what i'm doing or going to another extreme of throwing everything I've got into an interest for a few days, then deciding it's not really what I want.

My lifelong paradigm has been that I want to be cool, but I want to be smart. And I can't seem to be able to find a way to be either, let alone both.

Same thing with friends. I like a lot of the people around me, but I have trouble feeling like I REALLY connect with anyone to the point of being good friends. So I make an effort to be social, smile a lot, try to connect with people, but come away wanting more from the interaction. OR, I spend a lot of time at home, doing things I enjoy, which could also be shared with other people, only, I don't know anyone whom I would enjoy sharing them with.

So, I'm not quite sure what the solution is to all that, but I'm going to try to practice finding a middle by practicing writing a balanced exposition of my thought and feelings and doings.

What Might Have Been, or, Finished Business

I'm pretty happy with my life lately. I struck out on my own to move to Phoenix, AZ a few months ago and am figuring out my place here slowly, but surely. I'll possibly head off to Colombia at the beginning of next year for a semester teaching English, or I may stay in AZ to gain residency status and start a Spanish/English Translation program. This month I spent a few days at the Grand Canyon, a few days in Albuquerque, NM, and next month I'm going on a cruise to the "Mexican Riviera", and maybe doing a camping/touristy trip through the length of California. Amazing, incredible opportunities. Opportunities I wouldn't have if I were married right now. Sometimes I get impatient waiting for that opportunity to come, but I know it will eventually, and it will be when and where I will benefit most from it.

Every once in a while a blast from the past will come out of nowhere and remind me where I've been. It's been happening a lot this year, especially through meaningful conversations with people I could have married at different junctures in life. Three of the six guys I dated long-term have approached me this year to clear up any hard feelings and/or express gratitude for the things we learned during our times together. I've realized before that it is a great blessing for things to have turned out the way they did in each relationship I've had, and was recently thinking of how happy I am for all my ex-boyfriends who are married (all are married except the very first guy and the most recent guy I've dated) and how well each one's wife complements them in a way that I either either didn't want to do or would not have been able to do. Sure, I could have made it work with them, but it makes me waaay more happy that each one is making it work with the woman they are with now. I don't think that conveys how really happy I am for these guys and their respective wives.

It's nice to feel that I have no unfinished business with these guys. It's interesting to think about what an 'alternate universe' could have brought if I'd followed down a different path. My mom was married at age 19, and growing up, I always intended to get married young also, but I'm VERY grateful for the knowledge and experience I have gained over the last 9 years as an unmarried woman. It has been a gift to learn and grow through relationships and changes in my life, and it will be a gift to learn and grow through a relationship with a much longer-term companion sometime in the future.