Ready or Not!

Finished!!

2011-09-28T16:38:00.004-05:00

6 towels, two rotary blades, and many hours of tying later....

My rug is complete!

I'm getting better at actually finishing projects, but I have a complex about it that stems from starting a quilt for my baby brother when he was in utero. He is now 9.5 years old & I still pull it out every few months to quilt a strand or two before setting it aside & forgetting about it for a while. But this is DONE!! and I'm super excited about it.

I think my next project will be a wreath of rosettes made from book pages. Wish me luck!!

Pinterest Project!

2011-09-05T12:48:00.005-05:00

{Inspiration}

{Supplies}

Three towels from Goodwill on 50%-off-Saturday for $3.97

Two yards of anti-slip mat from Joann for $5.22

One rotary cutter from Michael's for $15.23

A very good start to a very awesome project.

Tutorial here!

Eve will be in Utah July 28-31!

2010-07-21T00:22:00.002-05:00

And in San Diego a few days before that! Beaches. Balboa park. Checking out the prospective YSA scene. Six Flags. Maybe Las Vegas. Zion NP. Brother & sister-in-law. Boating. Temples. Eating. Old friends. A wedding. All but two people I've talked to related to the trip (excluding the happy couple-to-be) has said "bring your bathing suit". Next week is gonna rock. :D

Also, unrelated. This is my new favorite tv show.

What is this pitter-patter of wet stuff hitting my windshield?!

2010-07-13T23:10:00.005-05:00

I grew up in Tornado Alley. Thunderstorms were a regular, and beloved on my part, occurance throughout the year. I thrilled to being awoken by a clap of thunder and flash of lightning. My childhood home had a tin roof that gave the drops a special 'ping'. Every April & October the weather geared up for the really SEVERE stuff of tornadoes in May & November. I loved the greenishness of the air that indicated a tornado was on it's way.

The closest a tornado got to my family was one that touched down 1/2 a mile to the west of our house, picked back up & went over us, then touched down 1/2 a mile to the east of us. It was pretty exciting. Then there was the year at our church Girl's Camp when there were 100ish teen girls and 30ish leaders crammed into the cinderblock restroom structure on the shores of Eufaula Lake during a tornado warning. Stuff like that makes the adrenaline tingle in my fingertips. Love it!

Now, here in Arizona, it has rained once since March. I've been anticipating monsoon season for a few weeks, and Friday the sky looked a little promising for precipitation. I pointed out the lines of rain pouring down in the easternmost part of the valley to the kids as we were driving in the afternoon, but I was resigned to the fact that it was past us and moving further away, so we wouldn't be seeing any of that particular storm up close & personal.

Saturday was sunny & hot, but apparently we got a short shower in the middle of the night, as evidenced by the dusty circles on my windshields that evoked images of Lichtenstein's pop art in my mind. So - sunny, hot and more humid than usual, but no raindrops falling on my head. :/

Part of the package deal here in this Valley of the Sun is that when it does rain, the little pebbles on the side of the road get IN the road, and make for more windshield-chipping/cracking opportunities if one follows the car in front of one too closely, say, within about a quarter-mile on the freeway (which 'one' learned last October. Twice.). So I was a little aghast when I heard two or three little dings on my car roof while driving Saturday night well after dark. "How in the WORLD are pebbles hitting the top of my car?!" was my first thought. And then I saw a few drops hit my windshield, smearing the lingering dots of dirt like a tear down the tortured blonde's cheek (because my wiper fluid has evaporated in the past 3 weeks of 110+ heat).

It only sprinkled for about 7 minutes, but my little desert-aclimated heart beat a little faster & I think I almost got a teensy adrenaline high.

Bring on the monsoons, Arizona sky!

If you can't post a status that's bloggable, don't post nothin' at all.

2010-07-13T22:55:00.004-05:00

I've decided to try something new here. I'm on facebook a lot. And I change my status on facebook a lot. So I'ma try to write a blog expanding on each status I post. Just for fun, and cause my inner narcissist likes the idea. Hopefully you will too. :)

Monitoring the Weather: 6th Language of Love?

2010-05-17T01:54:00.004-05:00

I got my first smartphone a couple weeks ago. So super fun. I get to carry the internet with me everywhere, and we all know that the internet is the source of all knowledge, so how can that not rock?! Tonight we were driving on the 202 loop, talking about this awesome mountain north of Mesa that was a favorite of the four of us in the car; no one knew for sure what it is called, but it looks like a sinking ship. I thought it was Red Mountain, so I googled 'red mountain mesa' on my phone, and this is what popped up:

BINGO! Just like that, we knew for sure the name of this mountain. Awesome, no? (I know I'm a few years slow in this whole smartphone thing, but humor me, ok?)

So one of the apps that I downloaded to my phone last week is "Accuweather", which brings up current weather and predictions for locations you choose. Right now I have 8 locations saved - weather for my area, my old home of Memphis, my dad, my mom, my brothers, and the distant cities of three different friends. I check them daily.

When we lived in Oklahoma, a.k.a Tornado Alley, my parents' family members would call every time there was a tornado anywhere in the state. Especially my mom's mom. We might not talk to her for months at a time, but if the words Oklahoma and storm made it onto her weather report in California, we got an immediate phone call. It usually made me laugh, expecially when the storm was in the panhandle, and we lived in the furthest possible corner from the panhandle. But it was a way of showing that she cared, and that's always cool.

And now I find myself checking out how the weather is to get an idea of how the natural forces are treating these people who mean a lot to me. (I especially pay attention to the humidity of the areas. And I groan when it's frequently over 50% in almost all the places I check. Why can't everyone have 8-12% humidity like I do most of the time? Poor guys!) There's something about knowing what's going on in the environment of the people I care about that gives me a deeper sense of connection to them.

But on the other hand it feels slightly stalkerish...

Help! I'm Alive, My [Biological Clock] Keeps Beating Like a Hammer

2010-04-19T23:38:00.003-05:00

Do you ever miss people you don't know? I have been lately. I miss the children I haven't had yet. When I first started working as a childcare provider, it was a way of channeling my mothering instincts to a venue that helped others as well as being a source of income for myself. It helped me not focus so much on being single and not having children of my own. Over the past year or so, though, my desire for my own children has stepped up a few notches, and it's starting to hurt.

I work about 45 hours a week, caring for as many as 9 children in four families between the ages of 1-7. I love these kids a heckuva lot. Both of my respite clients show me so, so much love. They greet me so enthusiastically when I come to their houses, give me heartwarming hugs throughout the time I'm there, and ask me not to leave when my shift is over. The almost 7 year-old clings onto my hand and asks concernedly "What are you doing?...No, Eve, No, I want you to stay" repeatedly when she sees me gathering my things and wrapping up business with her mother. The almost 3 year-old I watch three days a week cries and says "Hold you, Eva" when I start to leave at the end of the day. It touches and hurts my heart at the same time. I hate to leave the babies whom I love and care for in their parents' absence. I'm impressed at the easiness with which they love me, and the excitement they display when I come to their houses. The 7 year-old boy who tells me the schemes he's concocted to 'get' me 'fired' at least once a week, also tells me that he doesn't want me to ever stop coming over, and that he loves me, at least once a week.

The mothers I work for are 1-6 years older than me. I have pangs of jealousy at their opportunity to raise and love their own children full time. What is in store for me down the road? Will I be able to bear my own children? Will I be able to adopt? Will I have one, or two, or five? Will I have as much patience with my own as I do with these women's children? Will I have a husband who sticks around, who loves and plays with our babies the way I've seen fathers of these kids do? Is this experience of being a fill-in when these children's moms aren't available, and my role as an oldest sister to 7 siblings, the fulfilment my mission as a mother?

I don't think I could work for a mother who is younger than myself. I think it's hard enough seeing women in their late 20s with kids in 1st grade. I can't spend too much time looking at facebook photos or reading the blogs of my friends who have children. It starts to put me in a funk and I have to stop before I get too frustrated with my situation.

We hear a lot these days about the pain of infertility, of couples trying for years to get pregnant and being unsuccessful. There's a grieving process to it, and this is starting to become accepted and acknowledged by society. We don't hear much about involuntarily childless adults as a result of being single, of being infertile because there's no one around to fertilize one's eggs, so to speak. Of feeling like an outsider in a group of women because you're the only one who doesn't have your own children running around the playground. Of loving someone else's children so much that you miss seeing them over a three-day weekend. Of carrying diapers in your purse and extra stuffed animals in your car, and feeling like a poser when you come across them out of the childcare context.

For me now, at 28, it's not so much about whether I'll get married (I have a good bit of faith that that will happen at some point), but it's more of a question of when and whether I will have a child/children of my own to nurture and raise, and if I will have the opportunity to experience all the aspects of motherhood, from pregnancy to sleepless nights, to watching my little one grow into an adult and having children of their own.

What these arms and heart want is to love and care for someone(s) who I won't have to say goodbye to every afternoon or evening. Is that too much to ask?

Yogianity

2010-04-16T13:21:00.005-05:00

I have been missing yoga for the past several weeks. Memphis had several studios that I visited occasionally, and the last three semesters of school I took classes through the school and really loved it, but I didn't keep it up after graduation. I've been looking this morning at studios in my area, and found a few I'd like to check out.

One studio I found advertises itself as "offering a wide variety of classes, including our Christian "Faith Yoga", which the site defines as 'practicing yoga with a Christ-centered focus, designed to deepen your walk with the Lord...Exercising the body and mind while meditating on God's Word has a lasting affect on your life'. I found myself feeling very taken aback by this syncretism of sorts.

For me, yoga is a very Eastern religion/culture thing. I love it for it's spirituality without blatant religion (that I'm familiar with, anyway). I can connect through yoga and meditation in a way that enhances my Western Christian Restorationist religious understanding of God and the value of a human soul, in ways that I never got in practicing my religion on its own. I am definitely an advocate for the maxim "if there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things." There is so much in the world that contributes to peace and love of God that is not strictly within the confines of a specific religion or way of thought. Yoga is one of those for me. But I'm not sure at first glance about this Christian Yoga stuff. My reaction to it is a fear that the intrinsic spirituality that is contained in yoga practice might be misplaced in the zealous effort of a studio to bring Christ into it so conspicuously. The beauty of yoga for me is the universality of the opportunity to connect with one's individual higher power, the lack of dogma, the openness it presents as being a form of exercise, or a spiritual stretch. I don't want someone to tell me what to think when i'm meditating - that's not the point of meditation!

Maybe this class is the answer to someone's desire for enhancing their own western christian spirituality, but I think I'd rather take my own path rather than be told how to integrate the two elements of Christianity and Yoga practice. However, I may check it out just to see how my knee-jerk reaction measures up against the actual experience.

Namaste, ya'll! ;)

Synchronicity = Tender Mercies

2010-04-11T12:05:00.003-05:00

I stumbled upon an article, Synchronicity as a Sign, from Meridian Magazine this morning. It reminded me of Elder Bednar's talk from April 2005 The Tender Mercies of the Lord. I believe God answers our prayers in a myriad of ways, and have a profound gratitude for His small expressions of love for me as His daughter.

Because it's New Years Day...

2010-01-01T00:55:00.004-06:00

2009 was good to me, overall, and I'm hoping 2010 will continue in the same vein. Kirsten & I were talking tonight about our accomplishments this year, and I wanted to write mine down. It occured to me upon coming to my blog to do so that I really already have recorded them, but this will be my Year in Review.

2009

January - I made some big decisions about what I wanted in my life and how to go about reaching those goals and desires. After grappling with several philosophical questions the year before, I decided I was ready to take things on in a proactive way & work to make my life what I wanted it to be.

February - a tough month academically. I took some hefty classes my last semester, and things started getting to the nitty gritty in February. That took up the majority of my energy. I also started a regular weekly babysitting job with a precious, busy three year-old boy in Germantown.

March - I turned 27 with a roller skating party! I also explored parts of Memphis that I had not experienced in my 4-1/2 years there...seeing the National Civil Rights Museum, the Peabody Ducks, the Pink Palace Museum, and other sights. And I painted and decorated my bedroom.

April - My digital camera came in the mail! I started working on improving my photography skills again, and started my other blog.

May - One word: GRADUATION!!

I also said goodbye to a very dear friend. She moved on to the next life, leaving much love and memories among the people who knew her.

June - Lots of working, planning for a move, and playing with friends.

July - More playing, working, and planning.

August - I moved to Mesa!!!

September - Worked at Anasazi Foundation for a few weeks, and then looked for a job in childcare. Went to the Grand Canyon.

October - Became a nanny to three great kids! Went to the Albuquerque Hot Air Balloon Fiesta with Memphis friends.

November - CRUISE! Celebrated thanksgiving with old and new friends. Began a search for my ancestors and got interested in family history.

December - Went to Mexico. Received my Endowments in the Mesa Temple. Went to Oklahoma for Christmas and got caught in a blizzard, ended up spending Christmas Eve in a prison to wait it out the storm!

I had some great adventures with some great people this year. Here's to more in 2010!

When I admire the wonder of a sunset...my soul expands in worship of the Creator ~ Mahatma Ghandi

2009-11-28T14:47:00.003-06:00

The crowning aspect of living here, for me, is the sunsets. After spending a week on a luxurious boat, stopping at famously beautiful cities and beaches on the Pacific coast of Mexico, hiking through a lush jungle and snorkeling with amazing fish, I found myself on my drive home, ecstatic about the Arizona skies, bathed in the colors of the setting sun. This daily phenomenon could be enough to live for if I had nothing else.

"What I did on the 2nd week of November"

2009-11-18T00:02:00.003-06:00

I went on a cruise.

It was amazing.

Be jealous.

Pictures will come soon.

I'm (Getting) On A Boat!

2009-11-06T00:12:00.004-06:00

This Saturday, I'm heading to LA to meet up with my brother, his roommate, and one of our mutual friends for a 7-night cruise! I'll be thinking of you while livin' it up along the Pacific coast of Mexico...I promise! :D

I can't pack lightly...it just doesn't happen, and it's something I give myself permission to do, so the large majority of my closet is sitting in a pile in my open suitcase tonight, along with my snorkel, camera(s), and several books I'm eager to read on my vacation. We registered this spring, so I've been looking forward to this for a long time, but it kinda snuck up on me, and now I can't believe it's here!

So, if you notice I'm not living on Facebook like usual, know that it's because I'm feasting on the buffets & trying to figure out how in the world they folded my towel into the shape of a 1964-1/2 Mustang...

(I'm just crossing my fingers that renditions of T-Pain's musical masterpiece will be kept to a minimum.)

From CR Tortuga Island

Last time I was on a boat, in Costa Rica, they ran out of gas on our way home!

Baby Factories

2009-11-01T15:31:00.001-06:00

It seems like just about every other day, someone is putting up pictures of their newborn child on my Facebook news feed. The other night, I was curious to know if my noticing this was some unconscious hyper-sensitivity of mine about not having children, or a legitimate reality, so I did a quick survey of my 'friends list' to count how many were pregnant or had had a child in 2009...the result? 50 babies born to 449 friends! (Some of whom are married to each other and parents of the same said babies). So, over 10 percent of my friends have had babies in this year alone.

Feeling validated in my hypothesis, I clicked the 'Home' link before closing out the window & going to bed, and a new status popped up from a friend I haven't talked to in a year or two: "Tom Church Is going to offically be a daddy today...my lil man should be here sometime around 9am."

...make that 51.

New Look!

2009-10-26T18:45:00.003-05:00

October always ends up being a time for me to renovate my hair and/or makeup. It's sad that it takes considering what to be for halloween (looking like someone else) for me to decide I want to change the way *I* look! I've been tossing around the idea of getting bangs since this summer, and finally did it today!

Here's my 'before' - no makeup, 2 month-old haircut with no styling.

and, after an hour with Emily at the JCPenney salon down the street, here's my Audrey Hepburn-inspired-with-a-modern-twist new 'do! (I'm reprising my Audrey costume from a few years ago...rationale: no one in Mesa has seen it, so it's "new"!)

I realized while talking with my hairstylist, that I haven't had bangs in 13 years! I'm happy with the change so far :)

The Real Woman Creed

2009-10-21T23:32:00.003-05:00

You know those little things around the house that sit in front of you all the time, and become invisible because they're so obvious? I rediscovered one this week! A year or so ago, a friend gave me a copy something that inspired her, and it stays pinned up on my bulletin board above my desk. A few nights ago, I suddenly saw it again & actually read it for the first time in a while. It's good stuff, so I thought I'd share :)

THE REAL WOMAN CREED

I believe that within me lies an extraordinary radiance,
and I commit to letting my light loose in the world.

I believe that the source of my power and wisdom is in the center

of my being, and I commit to acting from this place of strength.

I belive that I possess an abundance of passion and creative

potential and I commit to the expression of these gifts.

I believe that the time has come to let go of old notions

and unhealthy attitudes, and I commit to re-examine what

I have been told about beauty and dismiss what insults my soul.

I believe that negative thoughts and words compromise

my well-being, and I commit to thinking and speaking postitively

about myself and others.

I believe that young women are in need of positive role models,

and I commit to being an example of authenticity and self-love.

I belive in the relationship between my well-being and the well-being

of the planet, and I commit to a life of mindfulness that regards

all living things as holy and worthy of my love.

I believe it is my spiritual responsibility to care for my body

with respect, kindness and compassion. I commit to balancing my

life in such a way that my physical being is fully expressed and nurtured.

I belive that joy is an essential part of wellness, and I commit

to removing obstacles to joy and creating a life that is full of exuberance.

I belive that a woman who loves herself is a powerful,

passionate, attractive force, and I commit, from this day forward,

to loving myself deeply and extravagantly.

Grand Canyon!

2009-10-18T03:11:00.006-05:00

Mike & I camped at the Grand Canyon a few weeks ago. That night's low? 22F! I was prepared with a sleeping bag, lots o' layers of clothes, and a big sheet of plastic to wrap myself up burrito-style inside the sleeping bag & was toasty warm all night, but he was roughin' it, seeing how well he could tolerate the cold with just what we used on the trail at anasazi (where he also works)...he survived, but said his feet were freezing most of the night! We lucked out to get to the south rim just in time for a few sunset pics, and then dragged ourselves from our beds at 4:45 a.m. to get there for the sunrise also! Beautiful sights!

The crows around there were crazy big! I got really close to this one while he was sitting on the stone wall before he took off & I caught this.

Ummmmazing!

New Kid

2009-10-17T20:52:00.004-05:00

I remember feeling this way when I moved to Memphis. Knew it was part of the package in moving to Mesa...and this week I am officially frustrated with being new in town, not knowing people, and wanting a few good friends. My ward at church is huge, and somewhat overwhelming, which I have let hinder me in jumping in with both feet. 80-100 people at FHE every week feels kind of ridiculous to me and, with my quiet voice, it's not a good way to start getting to know people.

I don't see any certain group of people with any consistency here, like I did in Memphis, which means I'm gonna have to make a more proactive effort to make friends. There are a TON of people here that I could meet and get to know, in and out of my ward/stake/neighborhood. The people I've met through Kirsten all live on the other side of town, and the people I've met through institute are spread all over. I've joined a couple of photography Meetup groups online, but not been careful about scheduling around the times they get together. And sometimes I feel lazy/antisocial/intimidated about getting out and meeting new people, like tonight for instance!

Some girls in my ward had a 'crazy hat/sock birthday party' tonigh, but I chickened out of going at the last minute cause I had nothing to wear and didn't want it to turn into another wander-around-in-a-room-too-loud-for-others-to-hear-me-talk scenario. Mostly I didn't want to go alone. But I gotta get to know people if I don't want to go alone.

This week I'ma make the effort find someone who I can/want get to know enough to feel comfortable calling to go with me to something like tonight's party. I need a wing-woman!...or something like that :)

something new

2009-10-15T08:25:00.000-05:00

I'm going to start posting more often. My dilemma in blogging is that I seem to make pretty superficial posts, or write more personal things that feel like a page out of a diary. There's a balance to be found, and I'm my goal is to find & develop it. This goes along with a lot of how I've been feeling the past several weeks. I'm looking for a balance, a nitch that I really fit into, rather the two extremes I seem to fall into in life...I find myself doing something that is an effort at looking like I'm cool, savvy, interesting, but I really don't know what i'm doing or going to another extreme of throwing everything I've got into an interest for a few days, then deciding it's not really what I want.

My lifelong paradigm has been that I want to be cool, but I want to be smart. And I can't seem to be able to find a way to be either, let alone both.

Same thing with friends. I like a lot of the people around me, but I have trouble feeling like I REALLY connect with anyone to the point of being good friends. So I make an effort to be social, smile a lot, try to connect with people, but come away wanting more from the interaction. OR, I spend a lot of time at home, doing things I enjoy, which could also be shared with other people, only, I don't know anyone whom I would enjoy sharing them with.

So, I'm not quite sure what the solution is to all that, but I'm going to try to practice finding a middle by practicing writing a balanced exposition of my thought and feelings and doings.

What Might Have Been, or, Finished Business

2009-10-15T08:14:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty happy with my life lately. I struck out on my own to move to Phoenix, AZ a few months ago and am figuring out my place here slowly, but surely. I'll possibly head off to Colombia at the beginning of next year for a semester teaching English, or I may stay in AZ to gain residency status and start a Spanish/English Translation program. This month I spent a few days at the Grand Canyon, a few days in Albuquerque, NM, and next month I'm going on a cruise to the "Mexican Riviera", and maybe doing a camping/touristy trip through the length of California. Amazing, incredible opportunities. Opportunities I wouldn't have if I were married right now. Sometimes I get impatient waiting for that opportunity to come, but I know it will eventually, and it will be when and where I will benefit most from it.

Every once in a while a blast from the past will come out of nowhere and remind me where I've been. It's been happening a lot this year, especially through meaningful conversations with people I could have married at different junctures in life. Three of the six guys I dated long-term have approached me this year to clear up any hard feelings and/or express gratitude for the things we learned during our times together. I've realized before that it is a great blessing for things to have turned out the way they did in each relationship I've had, and was recently thinking of how happy I am for all my ex-boyfriends who are married (all are married except the very first guy and the most recent guy I've dated) and how well each one's wife complements them in a way that I either either didn't want to do or would not have been able to do. Sure, I could have made it work with them, but it makes me waaay more happy that each one is making it work with the woman they are with now. I don't think that conveys how really happy I am for these guys and their respective wives.

It's nice to feel that I have no unfinished business with these guys. It's interesting to think about what an 'alternate universe' could have brought if I'd followed down a different path. My mom was married at age 19, and growing up, I always intended to get married young also, but I'm VERY grateful for the knowledge and experience I have gained over the last 9 years as an unmarried woman. It has been a gift to learn and grow through relationships and changes in my life, and it will be a gift to learn and grow through a relationship with a much longer-term companion sometime in the future.

U-Turns

2009-09-22T11:48:00.002-05:00

There is a pattern I have found in my life, in which I go confidently in a direction I feel divinely led in, having received a confirmation that I am where I need to be, doing what I need to be doing...and then things change suddenly, that direction is not so right anymore, and a new, "turn right" direction seems to be given, followed by another, immediate "turn right again...Now, GO!" And I have essentially made a u-turn while following the Road Map of Life. I used to get incredibly frustrated at this, insisting "I'm trying my best to follow His will, and then he goes and all of a sudden changes His will for me?! Why did I do such&such only to have that plan not be completed?! That's so not cool! Couldn't He just tell me straight up, "this is where you're going next," and give me a shortcut once in a while?!" And so on, and so on, questioning my previous feelings of confidence in my actions and plans, questioning the accuracy of my interpretations of the changes of plan, and feeling bitter that I once again didn't know what my next destination was going to look like.

But I've gotten used to the fact that that is the way my Higher Power leads me in my life. The hymn "Lead Kindly Light" came to my mind repeatedly during my hike last week, trying to be careful not to step on loose rocks on the cliffs or twist my ankle in creekbed stones, I thought of these words frequently "Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see The distant scene; one step enough for me." All I could do was continually look forward to the next right step (or sometimes two or three) and take it, over and over and over again.

And so, Friday when I was getting ready to meet with the Field director at Anasazi, I thought again that I had not felt a settling sense of peace in my being a trailwalker over the three weeks I had spent in training and on the trail. That the program was amazing, yes; that it would be a challenging and rewarding job, YES; that I wanted to do my best to fill the shoes that were being offered me, yes! But that I felt a sense that this was for sure where I needed to be right now, no; I had felt iffy on the several times I'd prayed about it. So I prayed again. Same feeling.

I realized that the thought of working with children had come to me several times during the past few weeks, which I had repeatedly dismissed ('been there, done that already, I'm ready for, and doing, something new!'). But I went ahead and pondered & prayed about that as well, afterward feeling a peace & nudging that I should pursue that path. "Ok, so, let me get this straight, HF...you want me to let go of the job that I came out here for, that I'm almost guaranteed to have, that I'm already being PAID for...to pursue a line of work that I don't have any leads on? That's a leap of faith, for sure, but I'll take it if You want me to..." And the peace of that decision came. So I went to my meeting & told the Field Director that I love the program, was really looking forward to doing my best at the job, but felt led to do something else, and that I hope the timing will be right to work there sometime later. He said that I was welcome to reapply whenever I felt it would work, and that he hadn't been sure whether to hire me with a 4-month committment or to do another trial week, since they had not had any new patient admissions for the past two weeks, and were looking at the possibility of being overstaffed if this trend continues.

I feel good about this decision, although it's scary...I'm unemployed after working one month, after having been unemployed for a month before that...but I've gotten several leads from people I've talked to over the past few days, applied to a few places, made a few phone calls, and continued praying for guidance. We'll see how it all works out! Because it always DOES work out...some way or another! :D

Lessons from the Trail

2009-09-18T02:41:00.002-05:00

Week two went more smoothly than the first week I spent as a TrailWalker! I've got the basic logistics of surviving out there in the wilderness down pretty well...I can make a shelter under which to sleep, talk the radio lingo with RidgeWalk, cook several recipes over open fire in my little stainless steel cup, drink 4-7 canteens of chlorine-dropped creek or pond water per day, and hike 20 miles of riverbed that alternates between cliffs and river-rock terrain over a period of 5 days! All while building relationships with the YoungWalkers and hanging around camp in our down time.

One of the guys saw a mountain lion several hundred yards from our camp one evening. That got everyone a little nervous, and as I was walking back to my shelter shortly after dusk to bring something back to the fire, I jumped about five feet in the air and gave a little shriek when someone sitting at his shelter just off the path said "Is that you, Eve?" Another of the guys said he woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of a growl from across the creek & could smell "wet cat", but we all survived nonetheless!

The most salient lesson learned this week by yours truly? Look before you sit! While coming down from a mesa at a steep incline, one of my trainers yelled back to me and the other TW to recommend that we stop & check in with Ridge before we went too far down into the canyon to get good radio reception. Since I was carrying the radio on my pack, and was grateful for the opportunity to rest for a moment, I promptly stepped off the trail and sat down on the rock that was just behind my feet at that moment. And just as promptly stood back up! There was a cluster of small fishhook barrel cacti growing out of the crack of the rock, and I had planted the left side of my rear right into them...So instead of sitting, resting & checking in, I left my pack and the radio to the other trailwalker while I found a tree to hang out behind while I pulled cactus spines from my butt and the seat of my hiking pants for the next 10 minutes or so. I'm pretty sure that's a lesson I'll not have to learn again!

I'm making a spoon from a length of Juniper branch, which I'm eager to finish next week! I've been using the blade of my knife as my cooking/eating utensil this week, so a spoon will be a welcome addition to my supplies, for sure!

My hiking is still slow, and I was far in the back of the band most of the time while traveling, but I'm definitely making progress and getting stronger...slowly but surely!

I was with a great group of people this week, and had some really good talks with the YoungWalkers. This program is so full of true principles and good learning opportunties, and a good part the YoungWalkers this week were interested in improving themselves and leaving behind the things that had helped them 'backwards walk' at home. We had an overall great week! And the stars were pretty amazing to lay under this week, too!

The Weather is Here, Wish You were Beautiful!

2009-09-07T22:02:00.004-05:00

I'm still alive...just thought I'd put that out there. And I made a successful move to Mesa, Arizona almost a month ago!

My dad helped me drive a 10' moving truck and my car out from Memphis, a trip we made in three days, and I met my brand-spankin' new step-family during a stop overnight at his place in Oklahoma.

My domestic project now is to fit a whole 1-bedroom apartment's worth of stuff in to...1 bedroom. I'm living with my cousin Ashley and her two little girls, ages 6 & 2, in a 3-bedroom condo, thanks to some very auspicious circumstances, and enjoying getting to know these fun, fun girls! Ashley & I hadn't really spent much time together in the past 12-15 years, so it's been good to get reacquainted, for sure!

Can I just say that I love, Love, LOVE the desert!? The dry air is so freakin' great after 5 years of such ridiculous humidity in the Mississippi River Delta of Memphis! It's true, 105 degrees in Phoenix feels like 90 degress + humidity in Memphis. I can totally handle this...as long as there's shade available once in a while! It's really being IN the sun that makes it HOT, but the air is definitely doable.

My new job at the Anasazi Foundation has been an adventure, as I hoped it would be! Last week I went out on the trail for 8 days of training after a week of in-office training. The first day we hiked 8 miles along creek bed. I thought I might die, but it's amazing what the human body is capable of! The first three days were tough, and I questioned a lot whether this living primatively, hiking, no showers/facilities, sleeping on the ground stuff what really something I wanted to do every other week for the next several months of my life. I could make a difference with PEOPLE in other ways, right?! But after some really good experiences during the second half of my week, and after getting the hang of all the survival logistics, I'm pumped about it! I'm doing a second trial week starting Wednesday, just to make sure I really want to commit, but I'm pretty sure it's gonna be a great experience! I really enjoyed getting to know the YoungWalkers I worked with, although we had some struggles at first. The principles are true, and the way the program embodies them is a great method!

Happy Medium?

2009-08-01T00:27:00.002-05:00

In my interactions with the male gender, I feel like I fluctuate between coming across as a stalker girl and standoffish B****. Where's the "middle"...and what does that look like?!

Reminiscence

2009-07-28T20:43:00.002-05:00

I have a two-shelf bookcase that, for the past few years, has housed my journals and some of my old school papers. It has been tucked into a corner behind a recliner for the past year in my current apartment. I don't get into it very often, cause I can spend hours and hours going through stuff. Tonight I packed up the contents of the bookcase, and wouldn't let myself crack open any of the journals, but in the process of trying to sort out junk from the good stuff, I've gone through much of the other items, and been amused by much of it and spent most of the evening waxing nostalgic :)

I found 4 "peer evaluation" sticky notes in an old folder from either Mrs. Baker's English class or Ms. Bagwell's Speech class at Wilburton High that read:

*Good - Good job of using your own ideas!
*Bad - a little long.

*Good - Nothing. Just kiddin'. very descriptive.
*Bad - Mispronounced picture, talk louder. Jumbled. It wasn't a rabid dog. He was a beagle. Quit copying off of me. Too many reasons. Dill was dumb. How can you like him? Too L O N G.

The last set made me grin. I and four guys in my class had four classes together that year (we made up the AP/Honors group of our tiny senior class), and the guys loved to pick on me. Later, I found my little photo album of senior pictures with name cards, and Jonathan, the same guy who wrote the second set of critiques, wrote on the back of his:

"Eve, Hello Little One. I'm sorry I picked on you so much. It was just because I like you. I hope you succeed in OU, and have a great life. Try to marry into money. You will be a great wife. I'll miss you."

I looked for him on Facebook and Myspace, but to no avail.

I think memories like this are what make me like Facebook so much! I love re-connecting with people who have shared my life in some way in the past, and being remembered of the little experiences we shared that make life such a personalized experience.

I have another sticky note that Matt wrote during an Academic team trip. It says "Eve likes guys". So random. But it makes me laugh every time I see it.

I also found a tourist book about Chicago that I bought when I went there for an FBLA trip my junior year. I fell in love with the "Corn cob" towers and bought the book just so I could show my family where I was going to live some day.

As difficult as life has been over the last several years, I absolutely love breaking out my old stuff from high school and the first few years of college & finding sweet notes, or mean notes written with a facetious tone, or the crepe paper jewelry that Greg decorated me with in his cute, awkward efforts to cheer me up the day my grandfather passed away.

I found a piece of paper that several girls at the Institute in Norman wrote to me when I returned after a semester at home, with sweet notes and expressions of friendly encouragement.

I found a set of "love notes" from the Memphis Relief Society spanning about a year when we sent around pieces of blank paper for sisters to write compliments and thoughts about one another during classes.

I know I have loved and been loved by many, and I have been blessed to have good people cross my path in every place I have been in. Evenings like this are good for the soul. :D

The Pursuit of Happiness

2009-07-25T10:43:00.003-05:00

Here's what I've realized lately: Happiness is kind of the opposite of money in the way that it functions in our lives. Money is given, received, exchanged, and stolen between two or more parties. If one person generates money on their own, it's not legitimate; a counterfeit. Happiness, on the other hand, is best cultivated and grown in a personal garden. If the main source of happiness for a person is other people who give or take it from that person, THAT is a counterfeit happiness.

Lately I've been pretty taken aback when I see people who post their status as being "SO incredibly happy!!!!!" in the first stages of a relationship. NOW WAIT! Don't get me wrong! This is not a 'stupid lovebirds gross me out' jealousy post! I love being in a relationship just as much as the next person. I like watching new relationships develop in the people around me. And I understand the giddiness, the excitement, and the funness of a new relationship. But I also have come to understand that as fun and exciting, and great as all that is, neither a relationship, nor another person can "MAKE" me happy! That all depends on how I develop my own relationship with myself, and what I consistently rely on for reassurance when I doubt myself. Happiness is a choice, and if I give the rights of that choice to someone else, I'm betraying my own self. I've learned to appreciate the various things that I can find happiness in, and that I can CHOOSE (and not a gritmyteethimgonnabehappytoday,goshdarnit! kind of choice, either) to find happiness in people and events in my life, regardless of other things going on. I can also CHOOSE to have a grumpy day, regardless of other things and people. It's all about agency and what I want my focus to be.

I think our society has confused the way happiness works with the way the economy works, and has consequently come to believe that in order to really be happy, we have to have to rely on other people to 'stimulate' happiness in our lives!

(btw, I'm so tired of hearing the word "stimulus" in every other commercial, but that's a topic for another day!)

That being said, I'm SO incredibly happy!!!!!

EDIT: I think what takes me aback so much is the responses to such statuses...other people's assumptions that if someone is SO HAPPY! it's because of some outside source. THAT's what bothers me. I do it myself. I try to figure out what/who is going on in someone's life that would make them SO HAPPY!...And so I'm doing my own little social experiment to see if that's just my OWN sick thinking that I'm starting to see from a more objective view point, or if other people around me are also guilty of this mindset! :)

Gravity

2009-07-09T13:14:00.004-05:00

Watch this

and this!

Love it, Love it, Love it!

So You Think You Can Dance is my new favorite tv show. I've decided I'm a "social watcher"...like some people can be 'social drinkers'. I only really watch tv when someone convinces me that I'll REALLY love it, and so I usually start a show after it's been running for 3 or 4 seasons...5 in this case! My first favorite was from one of the first weeks, set to "Falling Slowly by The Frames, and is about two strangers meeting falling in love. Last night one of the dances was my very favorite so far, and I had to share it (the second link)! The song is "Gravity" by Sara Barrielles, and is, according to the choreographer, "about addiction".

I'm officially hooked to SYTYCD :)

(video of the dances tends to be taken down pretty quickly, but hopefully this will stick around for a while.)

Pushing Pause

2009-07-03T13:46:00.003-05:00

My friend Maunderer wrote a post the other day that got me thinking. I've been MIA in the blogging world for a while...I feel like I haven't had much to say lately, in person or on here, but this was a place to start writing again. He was talking about suicide, which reminded me of something I hadn't thought about in a while. About 6 years ago, I started thinking frequently about being in a bad car accident. Not so bad that it would kill me, but bad enough to put me in the hospital for a while...Maybe even a coma. There were several months there where I thought about this every day, frequently multiple times a day. It seemed to be a solution to a lot of things that were going on with me and in my life at that point. I didn't want to die, but it would sure be nice to hit the Pause button on my life for a bit.

Many things that I needed to change seemed to have a solution in this scenario. I needed people to reassure me of my importance to them. I needed to get out of the job I was in because it was depressing me. I was in an abusive relationship that I couldn't stay out of, and had tried many other ways to stop the madness there but hadn't found a solution that lasted more than a few days. My family was falling to pieces as well, with all the dysfunction we'd kept bundled up tight starting to oooze out & stink, and I didn't want to deal with all that lay under that set of problems either. And in general, I was just worn down to the point of exhaustion. So a few weeks' stint in the hospital seemed a great solution! People would get their perspectives straight, I'd know who really cared about me, and I'd be released from the responsibilities that I felt were pressing down on me...win, win, win, right? I knew it wasn't healthy thinking, but my rationale was "At least I'm not suicidal".

I told people around me, too, thinking that that was the 'good' thing to do, but never let on how frequently or seriously I thought about it. And as much as I wanted to be involved in a car crash, I couldn't bring myself to initiate it, for fear I'd not be hurt enough, or that I'd end up killing myself. I wanted God to orchestrate it for me so I'd be out of commission for a bit but not be liable for it, and started almost asking for that.

A few months went by like this, and I gradually made some progress around my issues with a fresh-out-of-grad-school LDS Family Services therapist. A couple of months of no contact with my 'boyfriend' had me feeling pretty strong, and then I caved in at one of his attempts to talk & spiraled back to where we'd been in a matter of days.

And that's when I decided I'd had enough & something really, REALLY had to change...so I moved to Memphis. It's been a tough five years here, but I think I really got a pause on some things that helped make a difference in my life. I found a great therapist who knows his stuff, and who wasn't afraid to challenge me on my issues & was able to give me the tools I needed to deal with them effectively. I spent 10 weeks at a treatment center where I began picking up the pieces of my Self, whom I had lost to codependency, and I started to regain my self-esteem. I found EDA and SLAA, 12-step programs that supported my recovery around my eating disorder and my relationship issues. As a result of all this I came to understand the Atonement of Christ in a way that being raised in the LDS church for two decades had never been able to communicate to me. And I was incredibly blessed to have a mother who pioneered the way and took great strides to look at the dysfunction she contributed to our family, improve herself, and work her own recovery process.

I've had a good life here in Memphis, but I'm ready to move forward. I've had relationships that were healthier than the ones before, both romantic and otherwise; I've felt the pain of having to say goodbye because I know I deserve to be treated better; and I've been told goodbye by others. It has definitely been a learning process these past 5 years, with, as Alma the Younger said, "exquisite pain" as well as "exquisite joy". I learned here in Memphis that I can get through whatever life throws at me, and I don't have to medicate myself through food or people (or the lack thereof), or by any other means, to be able to experience the lows and highs of life.

And I'm ready for a new change. My moving date to Phoenix will be exactly 5 years from when I arrived in Memphis. I'm ready to carry my recovery into my experiences of a new place and new people. I'll hopefully be working at a wilderness therapy program for troubled teens, and am eager to give back and help those who are travelling along a path similar to the one I've been on. I'm not finished improving, but I am definitely living a more whole, choiceful, overall peace-filled life than my 22-year-old self knew how to do when I left Norman, Ok on August 13, 2004. In some ways, Memphis WAS my "Pause" button that I prayed so hard for in Norman, and now I'm ready to hit "Play" in the HD version of my life!

Milestones

2009-05-25T16:42:00.005-05:00

I graduated with my B.A. in Spanish two weeks ago! It's a great feeling to know I don't have tuition, exams, or 15-minute cross-campus speed walks between classes for a while (or for EVER if I decide not to go to grad school after taking a year off)!
My whole family came for the weekend, with the exception of Austin & his wife, and Katie & her fiance. It was great to see everyone and spend time together!

After everyone had left, I got a call on Wednesday morning, May 13th, from Courtney with the news that Becky had passed away about an hour earlier. She had finished all the treatment that her doctors had for her back in August, and had been hanging in there for the last several months, though the cancer was continuing to take over her body and make things increasingly more painful for her.

I was able to drive out to Oklahoma on Friday & spent the weekend with Courtney. On Saturday, Courtney graduated from OU with her Bachelor's in Psychology, and I was really happy to be able to be there for that. Monday was Becky's funeral. It was a beautiful service, most of which Becky had planned herself beforehand. Her family put several sweet touches in it, too, and the whole event really honored the beautiful, loving, and dynamic person that Becky was to all of us in this life. It was a tough day for Courtney and me, saying goodbye to such a dear friend and former roommate. During the times that we all three lived in Norman, we spent a large portion of our time together, and Courtney & I each had our own unique individual friendships with Becky, as well. I'm grateful to have been able to spend four days with Courtney, and to mourn the loss of our close mutual friend together. We spent a good part of the weekend sharing little stories and memories of Becky as they came to our minds, and it would have been very difficult to not have had the support of each other and mutual love for Becky that we share.

It was really meaningful to me that we each had a milestone that week; though Becky's "graduation" from this mortal life on Wednesday looked different from Courtney's & my graduating from universities on the Saturdays immediately before and after her death, we each completed a phase of our lives and are continuing in our individual journeys...each accompanied and supported, in my opinion, by the other two friends.

During one of the last real conversations that Becky & I had on the phone, we talked about our friendship, and emphasized to each other that although it was likely we would not be spending the next 50 or so years seeing one another and talking on the phone in this life, that after we had both made it to the other side, we would most definitely still have a very strong friendship, and made plans to "live in the same neighborhood", however that turns out to be in the next life! I am so grateful to have had Becky Marie in my life for the past seven years! She taught me some things that I don't think I would have been able to learn in any other way during our friendship, especially during the two years that we lived together, as well as the past 18 months of this battle with cancer that she fought so valiantly. I am so honored that she shared a small portion of her experience by asking me to shave my head in support of her. The lessons I learned about Christ's atonement as a result of that experience will be invaluable in my journey here on this earth, and her example of faith during all of her trials that I witnessed, not just cancer, will continue to point the way back to Christ and our Heavenly Father during my life!

I wrote several posts about my experiences shortly after Becky's diagnosis, but a few of them I had never published on this blog. I have posted them in their original dates and labeled each one under the tag "Becky". It is really important to me to preserve the memories that I have of this precious friend and amazing woman. If you have any memories to share of her, I would love to hear/read them!

Summertime = Reading...right??

2009-05-21T16:31:00.002-05:00

I'm not ready to write about what's really been going on in my life and the lives of those around me...so I'm "checking out" of reality with one of my favorite subjects. Books!

It really bothers me that my virtual bookshelf over there on the right side of my blog has had the same books on it for months and months now. They're all large and/or dense (subject matter-wise) books, and I have been inching my way through them...though it doesn't help that I don't read any of them with any kind of regularity lately. When I took Evan to the airport last week after my graduation weekend, one of my friends rode up and back with me, and introduced me to McKay Used Books in Nashville! Picture this: An old K*Mart-sized building with aisles and aisles and AISLES of used books...It was heavenly! I bought 4 books for $20. And one was a photoessay book that retails for $40. I got it for 8. Woot! But it doesn't help in the accomplishment of my goal to finish the books I've started by the end of this year. One of the books I bought was Eat Pray Love. I'm about 3/5 of the way through, and let me just say that it is one of the most enjoyable reads I've had in a while! I love stories of imperfect people searching for self-discovery and improvement, and what that process looks like. I read it non-stop last week til I left for Oklahoma on Friday, and haven't had a chance to read more than about a page since. But I am anticipating it like a bullfrog watching a fly :)

I also ordered a few books recommended by the Anasazi Foundation for prospective Trailwalkers to read in preparation for the program. Bonds that Make Us Free, The Anatomy of Peace, and Leadership & Self-Deception (whch I listened to on audiobook a while ago, but went ahead & bought the hardcopy). I started Bonds That Make us Free the week of finals, so now I'm 'reading' six books, counting this, Eat Pray Love, and the four on my virtual bookshelf. But not reading any of them.

AND...Mike just loaned me the latest Fablehaven book, which I've been eagerly awaiting for several months! My sister let me take it the night of my graduation while they were here to try to read it into the night and finish it before they left the next morning...that didn't turn out to be such a good plan! I kept falling asleep and waking back up after such a busy day, and when I finally gave up and turned out my light around 1:15, I'd made it all of 11 pages into the book!

So many words, so little time...

It has Begun

2009-05-04T21:52:00.004-05:00

I made a photoblog! And it is base, corrupt, depraved, vile, wicked and wrong. Despite my hesitations, I finally went with Eve Illuminates. I had to...I liked it too much!

I already have a follower, AND she left a comment! woot!

So, go and partake, "for ye shall surely not die." ;-P

3/5

2009-04-29T13:13:00.002-05:00

I just finished my Arab-Israeli Conflict final! Yesterday I gave my final presentation in my Gender and Language class, and a few weeks ago my Scuba class ended. Which means I have an Arabic language final Friday morning, and a Spanish Grammar final next Thursday, and then I'm FINISHED!!! (...still haven't sent out my graduation announcements...)

I think I kicked butt on my A/I Conflict exam. Not a huge butt, but probably medium- to large-sized. And considering that last December, I really probably couldn't have pointed out to you on a map where exactly the Gaza Strip is, I'm pretty dang happy with what I accomplished in that class this semester!

I'm pretty sure that my Arabic final is going to kick MY butt, though, so I'll be spending the next 40 hours bracing myself for that! It's been fun, but I really don't know what possessed me to try to learn this language! Actually...learning it hasn't been too bad, and I can hold my own in class really well; it's just the testing part that I have such a hard time with! ;)

I need a name!

2009-04-23T23:43:00.009-05:00

It's here! It's here! It's here!!!

I got my new camera in the mail today, along with some fun accessories! I'm super excited about it, and played with it this evening instead of putting the finishing touches on a presentation I have to give next week. It felt like Christmas, with all the packaging strewn on my dining area floor, and manuals to read, and batteries charging...Did I mention that I'm freakin' excited?!

Anyway, so I think I'll have a photo blog right from the start and document my progress and discoveries and such. Ya know, for posterity's sake & stuff.

This is what I want help with - a name for my blog! I like the name + verb thing I've got going for this one (everuminates)...and I tried to carry it over with a dream blog that I started a while ago (evephantasmagorizes). But I stopped having vivid dreams right about then, so it never really got going.

I like the "-ates" verbs. I should probably know what the technical term is for that, but I don't. Here's what I have come up with:

Please tell me what you think, in the poll, and leave a comment if you've got any other ideas of verbs that relate to photography, i.e. drawing with light!!

Alli's Pirates

2009-04-16T09:39:00.004-05:00

Ben & Alli Mikell - Sept 07

(This is the oldest photo of Alli I have on my computer)

It's been a LONG while since I blogged about Alli. She moved to Utah at the beginning of the year. I helped her pack, and Evan helped her drive out there. Her family gave me candy and treats. We found some silly putty while cleaning up her room. She "accidentally" ran into/over Evan as a way to surprize Ben when Evan came into town.

I missed her birthday two weeks ago. I'm pretty sure her party was amazing.

But here, now, is a masterpiece created by the one and only, Alli Marie. If I could put videos on my refrigerator (like parents do with childrens' artwork), this would totally be on it!

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/video/video.php?v=96090985925&oid=25161088129

Happy Easter!!!

2009-04-10T22:52:00.002-05:00

"Who is He in Yonder Stall" is usually a Christmas song, but I see no reason why it can't also be an Easter song. It definitely put me in the right spirit this afternoon. I especially love the second verse,

Who is He who stands and weeps
At the grave where Lazarus sleeps?
'Tis the Lord, O Wonderous story,
Tis the Lord, O King of Glory.
At His feet we humbly fall,
Crown him, crown him, Lord of all.

This image is what makes the atonement of Christ real to me. The image of a friend and older brother grieving and expressing his love for someone He has lost. This image leads me to remember the rest of the story, that He gave life to Lazarus again, and that through his actions during, before, and after his mortal life, Christ made it possible for every person who has been born to be resurrected, to have the opportunity to live and associate with Him and our Heavenly Father.

I'm grateful this Easter weekend for the sacrifice that He made, and the possibilities that it opens up for me and the whole human race!

I couldn't find a plain mp3 that I could post of this version, so the video's the best i could come up with - the song is more meaningful to me when just listening, rather than watching the pictures!

How do you make up for something like this?

2009-04-10T17:20:00.002-05:00

Next week I'll be ordering a whole photography setup - New digital camera, flash, battery grip, & other toys! B&H Photo is observing Passover this week, and as a result they don't take orders over the weekend, nor will they ship til next Wednesday. SO, I've been on a photography site-surfing kick again this week. I can't WAIT to get everything and start playing around & improving my skillz!

In the meantime, I came across this little gem & just had to share!

What a nightmare!

Six, Seven, Eight, Triple Nine, Eight, Two, One, Two

2009-04-09T16:25:00.006-05:00

(Pause my top playlist and hit PLAY on this one to hear the song!)

I heard this song for the first time about 6 weeks ago, and it makes me laugh a LOT when it comes on the radio. Which is a pity, because it's a squeaky-clean rap song as far as lyrics go...but still..."Kiss me through the phone"? Not the most eloquent lyrics ever written :)

At first I turned my nose up at it, for its unpoetic rhymes, but the more I heard it, the more it began to amuse me, and kinda grew on me. Then it came on one Saturday afternoon when I was hanging around my apartment, paying bills and being generally bored. I realized that the phone number is not in the "555-XXXX" format, which phone numbers in songs and movies are usually in. That caught my attention, and so, feeling a bit mischevious, I decided to call the number. I thought "This is so 1980's, but I'm gonna do it anyway" (I confess, I called 867-5309 when I was 11 or so, to see if anyone would pick up - It was an answering machine saying something like "Jenny's not here right now, so leave a message").

So I wrote down the number & punched it into my cell phone, which told me it was a Georgia area code. I hit Send, it rang a few times, and then a male, african-american-sounding voice answered & said "Hello?" I immediately hung up & felt juvenile and sheepish for actually calling, and hoped he wouldn't call me back & chew me out or something.

Then minute or so later, I get a text welcoming me to Soulja Boy Tell 'Em's text service, with an offer to get the ringtone on my phone! So, it wasn't some random person I called. So, I was expected to call the number. So, THIS is what technology has brought us to - a more complex marketing network than ever! One can buy a number, or a website, put it in a song, and get fans that much more involved in the marketing of one's music! I got about 5 more texts over the next two weeks, and then replied "stop" to unsubscribe myself. But if I had wanted to, I could call any time I wanted to, to hear Soulja Boy's messages to his fans, updates on what he's doing, fan messages TO Soulja Boy, and get ringtones (for just $9.99/month!) and other merch.

For now, I just listen to the song and it makes me smile. :)

♫♫♪da da da da da da da.....da da da da da da da....kiss me through the phone....da da da da da da....♪♫♪

I got tagged

2009-04-06T22:31:00.006-05:00

My friend Maunderer tagged me a while ago, & I forgot about it till I was catching up on my blogs tonight!

Here goes:

Six names you go by:
1. Evie (my family)
2. Evelyn (most of my friends)
3. GPEve (the guys from MSU)
4. Evie Baby (Jim)
5. Evalicious (Ben)
6. Miss Eve ("my" babies from In A Pinch)

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. Contact lenses
2. three shirts
3. earbuds

Three things you want very badly at the moment:
1. A better grasp on the Arabic language!
2. A clue about what I'm gonna be doing after graduation!
3. The ability to teleport :)

Three People who I hope will fill this out:
1. Valorie
2. Sandra
3. Katie

Two things you did last night:
1. Cleaned my apartment
2. Ordered Bonds that Make us Free from Amazon!

Two things I ate today:
1. A cheeesy pizza with four different kinds of mushrooms from Old Venice Pizza Co. it was suuper rich, and delish!
2. Cadbury Dark Chocolate

Two people you last talked to on the phone:
1. My Scuba buddy, Derek
2. My landlord

Two things you are going to do tomorrow:
1. Talk to my therapist
2. study for an Arabic test

Your favorite beverages:
1. Whole Milk
2. Diet Coke with a few dashes of Margarita mix (just the mix, not the alcohol!)...it's become a sunday night tradition :)
3. Water

It Ain't Spring Break Unless...

2009-03-16T23:52:00.009-05:00

...You do a little home improvement!

I FINALLY painted my bedroom, after contemplating it for 6 months! The color is a lot darker than I had intended, but I've decided that I'm very pleased with the outcome. And, I bought the paint pre-mixed for half off! It was in the 'mistint' section at Walmart, which they sell for cheap :) Overall, the painting cost me about $30, with tape, brushes, etc. Combined with a set of vinyl letters and a set of square shelves both at 66% off, a new cubical dresser, and the curtains, I got a new room for just over $100 bucks!

My friend Amanda loaned me her rag roller. I am definitely not an accomplished painter, but am trying to let go of the perfectionist in me and embrace the "perfect imperfections" :D. The lettering says "You Are Definitely Worth It!", which was Brandi's & my mantra when we were roommates. :)

Before...

shortly after I moved in.

...After!

And this is as of tonight!

I haven't quite figured out what to do with the shelves, but I couldn't pass them up when I saw 'em!

I'm a PC

2009-02-27T12:30:00.005-06:00

...someone needs to proofread their signs, vertically and horizontally!

Everything I know about tennis...

2009-02-19T23:12:00.000-06:00

...I learned from Wii Sports!

Ok, so...I went to a tennis tournament on Tuesday! Q107.5 was at Tan-N-Go that morning, giving away free tickets to the Regions Morgan Keegan tournament, and I just happened to be in the neighborhood, so I got some! Mike really likes tennis, so I invited him to go with me.

Did you know that it is unacceptable to make any noise while the ball is in play? I didn't, til I got there. They made us wait outside the stadium until a match was finished, and as we were walking under the bleachers to our seat, play resumed...so we had to wait below for about 10 minutes til the game ended and the ushers opened the stairs to the bleachers again. Before a ball was served, you could probably literally hear a pin drop. I kept whispering & Mike had to remind me that we were supposed to be quiet. The only live games I've been to are college football, college basketball, and the River Kings hockey...I mean, seriously! There are some things they just don't tell you on the Wii... ;)

We had passed a room full of caterers from local restaurants selling various hors d'oeuvres our way in, and as we were watching the game, Mike decided the only thing we were missing was strawberries & creme...or maybe a ProntoPup.

I got some sweet video on my phone, but aparently the free version of Quicktime, that came on my computer, doesn't have a rotate function for video, so I'm still working on getting them presentable for online display :)

Apparently "The Q"s audience isn't crawling with tennis lovers...we were the only people in our section of the bleachers! We watched Marcos Baghdatis (ranked 85 in the world) from Cypress and Kei Nishikori (56) from Japan play most of a round, and then Victoria Azarenka (15) and Stephanie Cohen-Aloro (93) played one game before it was time for us to leave.

The guys were serving 115-130 mph balls, and the women's were mostly in the 90's, but I saw one that was 120-something. And Azarenka has a funny little yell that she does every time she hits a ball that sounds like a bird cooing. :)

Unfortunately it was time to get back to class and work after about an hour, so we didn't get to stick around for more than one women's game. It really was a cool experience and I was sorry to have to leave. We took a different door out than we had when entering, and it led to a little courtyard/alley space, and lo and behold, there before our very eyes, tucked away from the view of the elite crowd, was a corndog stand!!

Is your food happy to see you?

2009-02-18T22:25:00.001-06:00

My Grasshoppers had faces :)

Street Gang

2009-02-14T15:27:00.006-06:00

This year marks the 40th anniversary of "Sesame Street." To celebrate, Bob talks with MICHAEL DAVIS, author of a new book titled "Street Gang: The Complete History of Sesame Street." Davis conducted more than 200 interviews over five years to tell the story of the beloved children's television show.

I heard this interview a few weeks ago on the Bob Edwards Weekend show while driving across town. I found myself...not quite on the verge, but close, to a tear or two of nostalgia while listening to a history of Sesame Street, which really surprized me. I liked Sesame Street as a child, though didn't watch it devotedly. But it was something like finding old friends I hadn't been in touch with in years and years, who just popped out & brought some happy memories with them (cheesy, I know...).

Just thought I'd share the podcast!

My all-time favorite characters were the Yup-Yups, along with Snuffy and, of course, Bert & Ernie :)

Enjoy!

A little magic

2009-02-09T21:19:00.002-06:00

Something nearly ineffable happens to me when I step outside on a random morning and the temperature is 57 degrees at 7:45 a.m., sun shining, a nice breeze blowing, and (bonus!) I'm going to be on time for class! Two or three times a year I have this experience of an absolutely perfect morning, and I think this is truely one of the things I live for. It is the best feeling in the world to walk out to this kind of weather, and something in my body changes at the cellular level. I was ridiculously happy today, and it wasn't because of something someone did, or something I bought, or something that might happen. It was what was. It was me living in the moment and feeling truely alive.

I hope everyone gets moments/days like this in their lives. It's what helps me remember how amazing this world is and how fortunate i am to live in it!

Loved it

2009-02-04T13:55:00.001-06:00

If you haven't seen this, go rent it. Soooo good :)

I think there's a boy in my brain

2009-01-31T00:03:00.005-06:00

This semester I'm taking a linguistics class entitled "Language and Gender". We're exploring gender stereotypes, assumptions, and expectations (and/or lack thereof) as manifested through language. It's a pretty interesting, engaging topic for me, and lately I've noticed three very interesting things about myself as a result. One is explicitly linguistic, the other two are more personality/mindset-based, two are things I know about myself already, but have been struck by recently, and one is really kind of surprising.

I'll start with the personality-based, already-known point first. I get crushes on girls. I don't want romantic or sexual relationships with girls, although I appreciate the female form. These crushes are more of the kind in which I think someone is just SO cool, or pretty, or interesting. I admire girls, and want to be like them. I have a crush on Amy Adams (the purse girl from Season One of The Office, the princess from Enchanted), and a local radio dj personality, and other people around me. I got a bit of a crush on Marilyn Monroe last week, which I kind of wrote about a few posts ago. I want to be these women. There's something I admire/find striking/want to understand better about these people, and it comes out as an expression of adoration and interest. I don't get crushes on boys in quite the same way (though I'll save that thought for a later post), and I think that this is interesting to observe. Even about with male movie stars, I just don't get as enthusiastic about them, or notice as many of them, as I do with their female counterparts.

Number dos: the linguistic-based, already-known point. I've found lately that I talk and think more within the male stereotype lately than within the female stereotype. Maybe not more, but in ways that are surprising to me. The 'Difference Theory' that Deborah Tannen preaches says, essentially, that boys and girls grow up in different 'sub-cultures'. Different worlds from which they learn to relate to one another. Girls look straight at each other when talking, boys seldom make eye contact with one another; boys view life as being one-up or one-down on everyone they come into contact with, while girls want to be equal and emphasis sameness; etc, etc. Several aspects of this have struck me as the opposite for me in the way I communicate lately. ***** My best solution for this is that i've spent the better part of my adult life learning about communication and trying to improve the way I communicate with others, especially with men, and especially with my male significant others. So maybe I've picked up these manners of talking as a way to improve the way I related to men? The funny thing is that I can see where the roles have actually reversed in some relationships, so that I've communicated in the "masculine" way at times, while my partner used "feminine" tactics in communicating with me! *****

But the third point that I'm writing about is the most surprising and most recent one for me. Tonight I watched Quantum of Solace, and SOOOO enjoyed it. I've seen James Bond movies before. They were ok. I can't really recall much about them except the Ice Palace in one of them that was pretty cool, and that Halle Berry was a Bond girl, I think in the same movie. And I get a few of the spoofs from Austin Powers, but I couldn't tell you who was being spoofed or from which movie. But, Man! I loved QoS tonight! All the chase scenes and destruction of rooms and leaping off of roofs and fighting and intrigue...it was great! I want to tear apart some room and break glass and not have to worry about fixing or replacing everything. That would be fun! I could understand what it would be to fantasize about the chase scene where I outsmarted the 10 cars chasing me and walked away from my car unscathed. That would be awesome. And this is what has thrown me off the most tonight. I'm not a violence/action/blood kind of movie fan. I watch action movies, and usually enjoy them. But I don't usually wish I were in them! Tonight I wanted to be James Bond in all his masculine glory!

somehow, a boy has gotten into my brain...

Adoption and Abortion

2009-01-26T22:30:00.003-06:00

There is so much I want to say about this, but I can't seem to find the words. Every time I hear her story, feelings of peace, truth, and love wash through me. I'm happy to be able to share Tamra's story with you, and ask you to share it with others, especially in light of the recent executive order regarding abortion. Understanding all the options gives a woman the power to make the best choice for herself and her child.

This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country. ~ Clint Eastwood

2009-01-26T21:06:00.005-06:00

I have watched and returned four Netflix movies in the past two weeks. Sometimes I don't watch a movie for a month! Some of that has to do with the fact that a large part of my recent social life is now on a month-long, self-imposed prohibition (30-days no-contact with Mike to make a clean break), and I've been too lazy/solitary/scared of rejection to call people up and ask if I can play with them! And some of it has to do with the fact that school is now in session, and there's always something more interesting to do than homework!

I watched An American Tale last night...in Spanish. I love to watch movies by myself with spanish spoken language in addition to spanish subtitles. It's fun to see the differences between translations of the dubbing and the subtitles...and if I have seen the movie previously and remember even the gist of the English script, if the subtitles (is there a synonym for that word? it's getting tedious to repeat it so many times!) and dubs are different enough, it's like watching one scene with three slightly different interpretations! So that was fun. I hadn't seen it in probably 15+ years.

Before that I watched Some Like it Hot, and I just want to say that Marilyn Monroe is so sexy! I know that was old news about 50 years ago, but I'd never seen any of her movies before. It was fun...transvestism, mobs, romance, what more could you want in a movie? I was tempted to watch it again the next day because I enjoyed it so much, but I was a good little student & read an article about Arab/Israeli conflict instead.

I stayed up til about 1:30 watching Mamma Mia one night last week, and I wasn't all that impressed. Merryl Streep was not at her best in this one, and I kept waiting for it to get better, but it never quite got there. And her two sidekick friends kind of annoyed me...maybe it's better live?

And before that was some top-notch detective work by Jimmy Stewart & Grace Kelly in Rear Window. The 2-minute massages by the home-health nurse cracked me up, but I loved Grace's dresses...apparently they just don't make Hollywood actresses like they used to. :)

And now it's time to go read some more for classes!

what is love?

2009-01-14T16:20:00.003-06:00

(NOT a night at the Roxbury ;-) )

There are few songs that I don't get sick of hearing over and over and over again when they become popular on the radio. This is one of them.

"The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson has been a top favorite of mine for well over a year. Sometimes I log in to my own blog when I'm at work, just to hear it on my project playlist, along with some others on the player that I can't seem to get enough of. Evan had a problem with the lyrics & wrote about it last January. But my take is completely different from his. I think this song epitomizes for me the balance between love and codependence. It can go either way, depending on the mindset of the individual listener, but when listened to from a healthy perspective, it's a picture of two imperfect people accepting one another's flaws and being willing to support one another in moving forward, within real life.

My philosophy on love (romantic love, specifically, but not solely) has evolved a lot over the past few years into a surprizingly manageable set of paradoxes. My expectations became less, yet more at the same time; My need to control seems to be under control; some of the things I NEED seemed not to be so necessary, more flexible, and yet I've found more fulfillment than ever in my most recent relationship.

Michael & I spent 10 months, more or less, exploring what a healthy, vulnerable, fun relationship could really look like. We didn't do it perfectly, of course, and weren't always healthy, vulnerable, or fun, but for the majority of the time we were dating, there was a level of intimacy and support that I'd never experienced before. And it was so refreshing!

We entered the relationship with the understanding that we had about a 90% chance of it not culminating in marriage, and that wasn't the emphasis. The focus was the here and now, being present in a relationship without the need for it to last forever and ever and ever (which is how my mind always seemed to work before). So we knew it would end at some point and had considered & evaluated that eventuality a few times in the past months, and this week it became reality. Saturday I got an answer that I wasn't even looking for from my Higher Power, that it was time to end the relationship. Overall, it's been a (mostly) peace-filled process so far.

We spent yesterday afternoon together, according to plans we'd made before the break-up, and at lunch he asked "Do we have a song?" We'd never discussed having a song that was "our song" & I couldn't think of anything. He asked, "Is there a song that makes you think of me?" Being a music lover, and having the need to find a way to make anything I hear somehow relate to my life, an accurate answer would probably have been "pretty much all songs," but the one that came to mind is Jason Mraz's latest "I'm Yours," because he likes it so much. He thought about it & then we got distracted with some other topic. A few minutes later he said "I know! it's 'Just The Way You Are'." I sputtered some of my drink & asked "Billy Joel?!" "No! the Rogaine song" he said, "You told me a while ago that you like me the way I am, and every time I hear that song I think of you."

And it occured to me that I had come full circle this year and that this relationship had embodied exactly what I like about Ingrid's lyrics. Perfectly imperfect people with a whole lotta mutual respect and esteem.

That's what love is to me.

2009 - Finishing What I Started

2009-01-02T12:11:00.000-06:00

I've decided that this coming year is the year to complete all my unfinished projects, such as:

My Bachelors Degree! (target date May 9)
Reading all the books I haven't yet gotten to the end of:

1. The Infinite Atonement by Tad R. Callister (293 pages to go)
2. The Last Lion, Vol 1: Visions of Glory, A biography of Winston Churchill (400 pages left)
3. The Collected letters of C.S. Lewis 1905-1931 (890 pages to go)
4. When God becomes A Drug by Father Leo Booth (150 more pages)

An embroidery project that I started Thanksgiving '03 and haven't picked up since.
A quilt I started for my 6-1/2 year-old brother while he was in the womb.
Memphis.
Therapy.
Maybe, If I'm REALLY good, I'll be able to pay off my car loan.
And maybe, just maybe, I'll get my photography career off and running!

Vote for Evan!

2008-12-23T23:27:00.002-06:00

State "O" the Union
Brickfish

My brother Evan is working his way through school and doing his best to make ends meet. He's entered a piece of his art in a Brickfish contest, which will help him pay tuition for next semester if he wins. Please take a look at his entry, make a comment, whether you agree with the message or not, and VOTE! The site lets a computer's IP address vote every 8 hours, so if you really want to help him, vote multiple times over the next several weeks!

Broccoli = Musical instrument. Go figure...

2008-12-21T11:16:00.003-06:00

This should brighten your day. I know it did mine :)

Merry Christmas!

Guess What?!

2008-12-19T20:25:00.003-06:00

I just finished watching "Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World", a movie about a guy who is sent by the U.S. gov't to find out what makes Muslim people laugh...I wouldn't recommend the movie. It wasn't very funny, was pretty ethnocentric, and had a sloppy ending. Basically, the guy (Albert Brooks) goes and tries to convince people in India that his American humor (which wasn't even funny to this American) is funny. It didn't show any kind of Islamic culture humor, which was very disappointing to me. And didn't depict any muslims as having any kind of sense of humor, which, from my very limited experience, is far from accurate. One of the things that helped me enjoy my arabic class last semester is Dr. B's enthusiasm and sense of humor. Granted, he's been in the States for 30 years, but it's not that fact that he understands or caters to american humor, rather, he enjoys being happy and finding humor out of things. So anyway, I was pretty disappointed in the movie.

BUT what I AM excited about is this: There was a fair amount of Arabic dialogue, and I Understood some of it!! There was an interchange of greeting and talking about someone being expected for a meeting, almost all of which I understood, and then I picked out several pronoun suffixes (talking about "Those men" versus "this woman", etc), and a few nouns. I was pretty excited about that :)

Also, "Holly" from The Office played the guy's wife. :D

Wedding pics

2008-12-14T12:10:00.003-06:00

With the semester over and no more homework hanging over my head, I've returned to coveting photography equipment and experience, doing research, and finding some great photo blogs. I never posted the photos from my first wedding, mostly because I was somewhat disappointed with the outcome. I've been playing with the images and doctoring them as well as possible with my little Picasa 3 program...tried downloading the Photoshop trial version, but alas, it seems my poor computer is neither sufficiently healthy nor strong to handle such a beast; it keeps kaputzing on my in the download process. And so, here is a look at my first attempt at wedding photography!

There's an album on my picasa page, also, with what I've edited so far - http://picasaweb.google.com/whirlygirl/BeersWedding

my current favorite song

2008-12-06T16:12:00.002-06:00

I've been doing a lot of babysitting lately.

Four Months Later...

2008-12-03T01:38:00.004-06:00

I've finally uploaded more Costa Rica photos! My albums of on-and-around the university campus and of my beach trips have waay too many pictures, so I'll have to edit them down some more before uploading, but there are 10 or 12 new albums, so the majority of the pics are online now!

Here's the link!
http://picasaweb.google.com/whirlygirl

26 things you never knew you always wanted to know about me

2008-12-02T22:10:00.000-06:00

A- Attached or single: Attached - I've been dating Mike for about 9 months now

B- Best Friend: my momma :)

C-Cake or Pie: Brownies! with walnuts in them! or cake with cool-whip frosting

D-Day: Wednesday.

E-Essential Item: my lovesac

F- Favorite Color: Blue

G-Gummy Bears or Worms: I haven't had either in a looong time. probably worms.

H-Home town: Wilburton, Oklahoma,

I- Indulgences: A crackling fire with a good book or someone to snuggle up with

J- January or July: July...i'm thinking of making it a tradition to spend this month in foreign countries :)

K-Kids: I may have some one day

L-Life is incomplete without: My blender and fruit smoothies in the morning

M-Marriage Date: I keep asking my magic 8 ball, but it hasn't come up yet

N- Number of Siblings: 5 brothers + 2 sisters = 7

O-Obsession: Lately I have a somewhat disturbing obsession with radio dj personalities...

Phobias or Fears: I think i'm fairly phobia-free at the moment!...except maybe this one

Q- Quote: There is nothing noble in being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to one's previous self. ~hindu proverb

R- Reason to Smile: The semester is almost over!!

S- Season: I like each one when it's happening, except maybe winter

T- Tag: I don't know who reads this besides my brother occasionally... so if you read it, do this on your blog and leave me a comment!

U- Unknown fact about me: one of my 'canine' teeth never came in by itself, so I had to have it surgically uncovered and pulled down into my mouth while I wore braces.

V- Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animal: Meat-eater for sure

W- Worst Habit: I spend way too much time online when I should be doing productive things.

X- X-rays or Ultrasounds: Ultrasounds are much more interesting than x-rays.

Y- Your Favorite Food: I love mexican, but mostly for the salsa, sour cream, guacamole, queso, pico de gallo...just give me the condiments & some tortillas or tortilla chips & i'm SOO satisfied :)

Z- Zodiac Sign: Aries

Al Arabiya

2008-11-28T15:51:00.003-06:00

I haven't posted in a while. My computer has been without power sources for the past several weeks (battery was fried, and then A/C adapter shorted out...but they're now both replaced!!), and school has been busy, busy! I haven't seen the last two episodes of The Office, so that should tell you how much leisure time I've had lately!

So, my biggest news lately: I applied for a two-month study abroad program to go to Tunisia, Egypt, or Jordan next summer, after I GRADUATE!!! (May 9, 2009 is the big day!). I enrolled in Beginning Arabic this semester kind of on a whim, and have really enjoyed it. It's crazy-hard, but so very interesting, also! One of Mike's friends from BYU spent a semester in Jordan, and she has a blog about her experience, which has gotten me even more excited about the possibilities :)

I won't find out until late March whether I've been accepted or not, but I'm going to plan as if I will be going, and if it ends up not working, alternative adventures are pending.

After the few months that I've been studying, I can write a short paragraph about who I am, where I'm from, what I study, and my living situation/possessions , which is pretty amazing to me. Dr. Bayakly is a top-notch teacher, for sure!

books

2008-10-30T23:20:00.003-05:00

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien (i stopped reading about 1/3 into the second book)
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling (1st & 3rd books only)
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman - on my list of books to read soon
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens (Does the Childrens Illustrated version that Walmart used to sell count?)
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy - Own it, never read it.
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown >:-/ ... how...did this get on the list? and next to Gabriel Garcia Marquez??
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery ...the box set...many times
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold (read the first chapter...)
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens (Another "Children's Illustrated")
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

on the subject of things to do before one dies...

2008-10-22T16:54:00.004-05:00

Got this from my friend Jamie's blog & thought it was fun. Copy, paste & highlight the things you've done, if you wanna play along

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Alaska
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Been to Disneyland
7. Climbed a mountain (don't think so...but I've driven past the world's tallest hill a few times!)
8. Held a praying mantis
10. Bungee jumped
11. Watched a lightning storm
12. Taught yourself an art from scratch
13. Adopted a child
14. Had food poisoning
15. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
16. Slept on an overnight train
15. Had a pillow fight
18. Hitch hiked
19. Built a snow fort
20. Run a Marathon
21. Watched a sunrise or a sunset
22. Hit a home run
23. Been on a cruise
24. Seen Niagara Falls in person
25. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
26. Seen an Amish community
27. Taught yourself a new language
28. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
29. Gone rock climbing
30. Seen Michelangelo’s David
31. Sung karaoke
32. Seen Old Faithful geyser errupt
33. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
34. Walked on a beach by moonlight
35. Been transported in an ambulance
36. Gone deep-sea fishing
37. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
38. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
39. Played in the mud
40. Gone to a drive in theater
41. Been in a movie
42. Visited the Great Wall of China
43. Started a business
44. Served at a soup kitchen
45. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
46. Gone whale watching
47. Gotten flowers for no reason
48. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
49. Gone sky diving
50. Bounced a check
51. Flown in a helicopter
52. Saved a favorite childhood toy
53. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
54. Eaten caviar
55. Pieced a quilt
56. Stood in Times Square
57. Been fired from a job
58. Broken a bone
59. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
60. Published a book
61. Had your picture in the newspaper
62. Read the entire Bible
63. Visited the White House
64. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (ahhh, those good ol' days of chicken farming...)
65. Had chicken pox
66. Saved someone's life
67. Sat on a jury
68. Met someone famous (not yet, but once I was in a mall at the same time as John Travolta!)
69. Joined a book club
70. Lost a loved one
71. Had a baby
72. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
73. Been involved in a law suit

And, it turns out, I don't have pleurisy, but rather a similar condition called costochondritis...which makes me think of some kind of prehistoric animal every time I say it :)

Blue Roses

2008-10-20T16:27:00.004-05:00

Here's a confession. One of my life's secret desires has come to pass.

When I was in high school Speech & Drama we watched the movie of Tennessee Williams' play Glass Menagerie. In AP English IV, we read Tennessee Williams' Glass Menagerie. When I was in ENGL 2220 we read Tennessee Williams' Glass Menagerie. In Intro. to Theater we watched a university production of Tennessee Williams' play Glass Menagerie.

Playhouse on the Square is currently doing a production of Tennessee Williams' Glass Menagerie a mere 5 blocks from my house, and I had no desire to go see it....it's kind of a boring play, after all, and I don't really understand why it's such a staple in literature and theater classes.

However, since the first time I read it, I have been intrigued by pleurisy, or, as Jim hears it, "blue roses". I thought it was a romantic illness, in the way that dying of 'the consumption' was romantic in the Anne of Green Gables books, and I secretly wanted to contract pleurisy. We now call consumption 'tuberculosis', and it's a nasty disease that no one wants. As is pleurisy, I have recently discovered .

I started out with my normal seasonal allergies a few weeks ago, which then moved down into my chest & caused a cough, which evolved into bronchitis this past week, which has now evolved into 'blue roses'. What is it, you may ask? WebMD has this to say:

"What is pleurisy?
Pleurisy is swelling (inflammation) of the thin layers of tissue (pleura) covering the lungs and the chest wall. The outer layer of the pleura lines the inside of the chest wall, and the inner layer covers the lungs. The tiny space between the two layers is called the pleural cavity. This cavity normally contains a small amount of lubricating fluid that allows the two layers to slide over each other when you breathe. When the
pleura becomes inflamed, the layers rub together, causing chest pain. This is known as pleuritic pain.
Pleurisy is sometimes called pleuritis."

It's like having a stitch in your side that just won't go away and gets worse when you inhale, and mine started yesterday afternoon. I stayed home in bed today so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone, which makes me cough, which makes the pain get sharper. So I spend like 8 hours wandering around on the internet, snuggled up in my bed. It was kind of nice, except for the breathing part :)

And now I can say that I've had pleurisy, just like Laura Wingfield, and cross it off my list of things to do before I die!

It's that time again!

2008-10-19T11:42:00.005-05:00

We went to the fair again last month...it was the last time it will be at the Mid-South Fairgrounds, and they had cut down on their variety of rides, but we got our fill of head-spinning fun nonetheless!

My favorite thing about the fair is spotting amusing signs, and I was not disappointed this year. I share with you a few :)

Then, of course, there is the yummy, greasy fair food.

Mike was lovin' him some turkey leg

I had my first ever deep-fried twinkie :)

Everyone else decided to go on the water ride & got soggy bums

Food in the Sooner State

2008-10-19T10:58:00.005-05:00

There are two fast food restaurants that I get really excited about when I go back to visit Oklahoma. I have to eat at these places at least twice when I go to Norman, and this weekend I got to introduce Michael to them!

Taco Bueno has the BEST fast-food mexican, with tasty tortillas and wonderfully seasoned refried beans...nothing like the bland taste-less-ness of Taco Bell (which i still eat, because it is cheap...and Mexican :) ) But, MMMMmmMMMM! I love me some Bueno! They also give you real salsa to put on your food, not some strange chemical-y 'taco sauce'.

The other place I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE is Braums. Their french fries are UUUM-Azing! They're thick, crinkle-cut fries that are consistently perfectly cooked, seasoned with this salt powder that is just so very tasty! And the burgers & ice cream are pretty yummy, too.

On the non-fast-food side of things, we went to GiaComo's in McAlester with my dad, where they make a mean ravioli. Ted's Mexican Cafe Escondido has several locations in the OKC metro area, and they recently opened one in Norman, to the great delight of Becky, Courtney & myself! We have to eat there every time I visit, too...homemade tortillas, amazing cheese sauce and salsa that they just keep bringing till we're stuffed with it before they even serve our 'real' food!

Yup, "food" is a close second to "seeing people I love" as a reason I visit Oklahoma!

"for the girl who has everything"

2008-10-14T16:03:00.004-05:00

I'm sure my faithful readers have been racking their brains for weeks already, trying to figure out just what to give me for Christmas. Never fear, I have come to the rescue. Below, you will find...

The 2008 List of Things Most Coveted by Eve

1. A guaranteed parking spot in the Central parking lot

2. Reading caddy for the bathtub

3. Toyota Prius

4. A full set of flatware that matches

5. Smooth Legs

6. Trip to Colombia for a semester

7. Blender/Food Processor

What do YOU want?

Cold Feet

2008-10-02T14:52:00.003-05:00

This is the problem with not having a lot of natural bodily insulation and being reluctant to give up my flip-flops as the weather cools down.

...It would also help if the people in my office would consider cutting off the A/C sometime before the first frost...

Mary Poppins

2008-09-20T23:35:00.001-05:00

I watched Mary Poppins the other day for the first time in probably 12 or 15 years. I quite enjoyed it. One of my younger siblings went through a period where they watched it multiple times a day for months on end, so I pretty much had every line engraved in some dusty file in the back of my brain, but I didn't realize it until I was watching it and knew even the tone of voice that a certain line would be said in, before it was said :) The brain is a marvelous instrument.

Just allergies

2008-09-19T15:05:00.008-05:00

I work at a law firm that works with real estate transactions. Sounds pretty uppity, til you take into consideration the condition of the current market. The soda vending machine hasn't been stocked in 2008...they haven't bought Kleenex for general office use since about March. And I've spent the better part of the day sneezing and sniffling along with our accountant in the office near me. The guy whose desk is between ours 'bless you'-ed him this morning a few times, then I started with my achoo-ing. He said "Are you sick too?" Me: No, it's allergies. Him: ...Oh.

I scouted around in the storage room & found a random 6-roll pack of cheap toilet paper and appropriated a roll in leiu of a nice, soft box of Puffs. The roll is about half-gone now & I'm ready to crawl into my bed for the rest of the weekend.

It's just allergies...it's just a slow economy...

I'm a creator

2008-09-16T16:52:00.004-05:00

http://www.careerpath.com/
" The Dewey Color System® is the world's first and only validated, color-based personality career testing instrument. Based on our experience and your interests, your best suited occupations are listed below. "

Best Occupational Category
You're a CREATOR
Key Words:Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional
These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.
CREATOR OCCUPATIONSSuggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.
CREATOR WORKPLACESConsider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.
Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.

2nd Best Occupational Category
You're a PERSUADER
Key Words:Witty, Competitive, Sociable, Talkative, Ambitious, Argumentative, and Aggressive
These enterprising types sell, persuade, and lead others. Positions of leadership, power, and status are usually their ultimate goal. Persuasive people like to take financial and interpersonal risks and to participate in competitive activities. They enjoy working with others inside organizations to accomplish goals and achieve economic success.

...all because I don't like to look at orange.

I don't agree with the second option, but the first pegs part of me pretty well :)

I'm aspiring to greatness

2008-09-10T20:38:00.001-05:00

...just thought you should know.

i moved!

2008-09-06T18:44:00.010-05:00

then, after 4 years, I am now a bona fide Memphian! :)

I moved to Midtown last month, to my own little one-bedroom apartment on the second story of a house, and am loving it! Living by myself has been an interesting and welcome change after sharing apartments and houses with roommate/s for the past 8 years. I love the fact that the only dishes in the sink are my own, I can set the thermostat as high as I want it, and never have to shut a door for privacy!

My furniture fits perfectly in the house! All I lack is a dresser, seeing as how mine was not secured in the truck when we were moving me, and fell out into the road at Appling and Cordova Rd en route to my new place. Michael and a guy from church were in the truck and had to collect all my dainties strewn along the rain-soaked road...I wish I had a picture of that!
And now, for a virtual tour of the home of the not-so-rich-and-famous...

Stairs that lead up to my apartment

my 'front' door

Living room

A beam of the ceiling angles up from about three feet off the floor, so I strung paper lanterns as a protection against tall people's bumping their heads when walking from the LR to the office/dining room. I think it's nice & festive.

Office/dining room area and doorway to kitchen

...and, kitchen!

Complete with an amazing, old-fashioned oven with a warming drawer below.

One of my favorite things about the apartment is this little window-seat/nook place just between the dining room area and the kitchen (mini-blinds are broken and the landlord is going to replace them with bamboo blinds :D )

My hall, adorned by a curious lantern-like light fixture

Another favorite aspect...the deep tiled shelf around the tub is perfect for candles!

Another example of the eaves of the roof creating interesting ceiling features...the curtain rod extends about 3/4 of the length of the tub, and then curves around to the wall.

My bedroom, which also doubles as a laundry room. I'm gonna hang a curtain across the laundry closet. It's kind of nice! my clothes are all contained in the one room...from the closet, to my body, to the laundry, to the closet, all right here!

So there you have it! My new midtown bachelorette pad!

In a nutshell

2008-08-03T00:26:00.002-05:00

I pared down my pictures to a digestible album. Here it is! For the internet addicts out there who need a couple of hours' worth of non-constructive vegging, I'll post full albums over the next few days. :D

In the works..

2008-07-29T22:26:00.005-05:00

I took around 1500 photos in Costa Rica, and two of the friends in my group who also had cameras took 1500 between the two of them, all of which we shared before going home, so I have 3,000 pictures of 32 days' worth of adventure to sort through and edit down to a reasonable number that someone would have the patience to look at! I discovered Picasa this month, and have fallen in love with the program. So I'll be adding pictures little by little through public online albums and posting the links to the albums here...as soon as I figure out exactly how to do that!

Stay tuned!

Old friend

2008-07-29T22:26:00.002-05:00

Of all my friends from high school-era, I am in touch with only a few, and that, mostly through Facebook. Will and I met when when we were 15 and had many adventures together throughout high school. We dated for a few months our senior year, and i have to say that our prom picture is the best picture that has ever been taken of me. After high school we went our separate ways; I went to OU for a few years, then moved to Memphis, and he went to the Air Force Acadamy, a mission, USAFA again, got married, went to grad school in Maryland, and just moved to Texas last month. Through all our different experiences, we've stayed in touch, through a few phone calls a year, and the occasional email. I think everyone needs a friend who knew you "back when", and Will has been that friend to me.

When he and his wife Sara moved to Texas, they were able to stop by for breakfast and a Sunday morning of reminiscing/catching up on each other's lives. It was great to see them!

Hair emergency at T:-18 hours

2008-07-29T21:44:00.000-05:00

So the day before I left for Costa Rica, I thought it'd be a good idea to get a haircut. What does one do when she has 3/4-inch long hair? Why, cut it herself, of course! I'd been trimming my hair periodically with a trimmer set since I initially shaved it in December, and have gotten pretty good at it. But this was the day before a life-changing event, and so I could not do something easily. That's just how it works ;)

I had let my hair get fairly 'long' over the past few months - I could actually part the front portion - and so it took a few sittings with my poor little trimmer. It tries hard, but runs out of juice easily. So I had finally gotten my hair a uniform, 3/8 of an inch or so, took the guard off to even up the nape of my neck, and voila! Perfect!

I proceeded take care of other items on my to-do/packing list and in the interim, found a longish hair on the back of my head. Simple...all you do is run the trimmer over the area to take care of the rogue strand! But I forgot to put the guard back on, and thus, dear reader, I bring you the results in picture form to your left!

I tried to fix the bald blemish myself and make it blend in with the rest of my hair, but to no avail. It all had to come off. And so, that is the story of how I began my month in Costa Rica with a very scantily covered head!

Estoy aqui

2008-07-14T15:27:00.002-05:00

I'm beginning my third week in Costa Rica. It's been an adventure to say the least! I have 800+ photos & so many stories, it's a bit overwhelming to know how to begin reporting on my experience. I've learned a lot, my spanish is improving, and I'm enjoying my new experiences, with a peppering of missing home & friends/family.

My first sight of population from the plane

First day: We got caught in a torrential downpour on the walk to campus. I was soaked!
Poas Volcano crater
We saw some BEAUTIFUL waterfalls!

LOTS more to come later!

~Eve/Eva

Go jump in the river

2008-06-22T11:27:00.006-05:00

A few weeks ago I joined some friends for a campin/canoe trip to the "Many Island Campground" at Spring River. SO much fun! Michael & I rode up with Alli, and we caravan-ed with another group of people. We brought walkie talkies...really they weren't even walkie talkies, cause you could 'text' and take pictures, and do all kinds of cell-phone-y things with them. Not the kind from back in my day where all you had was the Morse Code printed under the speaker and an enormous antennae! So we tried the walkie talkies for a bit, but it got old pretty quickly. Mike was behind in the book we're reading together, so he wanted to read, which greatly offended Alli. And I was in the back seat, feeling sequestered, so I thought I might read, too, but that offended her even more greatly, so no rude reading actually came to pass during the ride :)

We got there lateish, around 9:30, stopped at a Sonic that had tables inside and the little red phones at each booth for to order one's food directly from the kitchen. I randomly picked up the receiver after everyone had ordered, just to look at it, before realizing that just picking it up signaled to the kitchen that someone wanted something! The girl answered & asked for my order & I started apologizing, and she hung up on me! I would probably hang up on people too, if I worked there.

Once we finally got to the campsite, after paying an extraordinary fee to sleep outside next to a train track, I set up my beautiful hammock so as to sleep under the stars. This hammock is one of the best things I've ever bought myself and brings me great joy every time I set it up :)

Alli & I trekked down to the women's facilities & while I was washing my hands I discovered the absolute largest insect I've ever seen in the wild, in person. It was sitting inside the bathroom, just hanging out under the blindingly bright light of a fluorescent bulb, along with about 4,700 other, smaller bugs. We alerted Mike & Scott, who captured the poor thing, and brought it back to camp. Then Scott found another one on our picnic table, & tried to make them fight. No such luck. They were ridiculously passive for being so scary-looking. I am convinced that they were actually fairies, like the one from Pan's Labyrinth, and we just hadn't drunk our milk for the day!

Alli, Kirsten & I had some girl-bonding time on the hammock, & then decided to make finger stars & frame everyone's faces in pictures.

Michael was our first target, but (finally having a chance to catch up on his reading) he did not think much of our childish antics...

I think this picture is hilarious.

We continued on with various other of our camp-mates.

I finally went to bed around midnight, and only then did I recognize how very close we were to the train track...it was literally 75 feet away. Every 1/2 hour a train woke me up as it rumbled by. Once, in the very middle of the night I actually fell into a deeper sleep than I had previously been able to, and the realisation that the train hadn't been by in a while caused me to awaken because of the silence!!

Morning came & we readied ourselves for the canoe trip. We jumped on a bus & rattled through the dirt roads, causing me to have flashbacks of my freshman & sophomore years in high school when I was the first on the bus at 7 a.m. for an hour-long ride of picking up children who lived, as I did, miles from any other sign of civilization.

We got to the dock & loaded our canoe with life-jackets & oars, and off we went! Michael steered & I paddled up front. I tried all different paddling methods during the trip, determined to work out as many muscles as possible. Our group found a nice little rapid with a pool under it and an island with a strong current running on the other side of it. We piled as many people as we could - 11 or 12 - into a canoe & someone pushed us off. Everyone had to hold perfectly still so as not to let any water in the boat...the water level was about 1/4 inch below the rim of the over-loaded canoe. Finally we hit bottom and everyone flew out! Kirsten was caught by the current & a couple of our strong men swam out to rescue her. It was quite the adventure!

We "tumped" over, as Michael calls it (a southern word I had never encountered before), only once, which Mike did on purpose when I wasn't paying attention. It was a beautiful day on the river, with all kinds of wildlife on the banks & in the water. Our friend Scott caught several turtles & carried them in his kayak for a large portion of the trip.

We made it back to the camp, snacked, & packed up for the trip home, but as we headed down the dirt road leading to the highway, the back windshield of one of the cars shattered!

Being hungry and gross as we were, we decided to stop at King Catfish buffet, where we proceeded to stuff ourselves with fish and hush puppies. They have an amazing rocking chair, which we had to try!

We got home late, exhausted, and satisfied after a relaxing weekend and adventurous trip!!

alli update

2008-05-31T14:54:00.000-05:00

Alli became my designated hair-stylist on Monday. We started this new relationship off with a faux-hawk that promises to be truely amazing, given another 1/4 inch or so of growth.

After a long drought of Alli-time, I believe my life will be more blessed with her presence in the near future, as we spent Memorial Day evening together (kinda), and will be going on a road-trip which will morph into a canoe-trip next week!

She was pretty snazzy with her white sunglasses that make Aaron feel "what it probably feels like to be stoned" when he puts them on, and her custom-made candy necklace (that really did taste like perfume...and probably sweat, too...), and her multiple oreo-eatin' skilz.

(just call me perez hilton?)

my substitute kids

2008-05-30T22:54:00.004-05:00

I've been working as a sitter for a babysitting referral agency for about a year now. It's been my second part-time job while I'm getting through my last few years of school, and a lifesaver as I prepare for my study abroad trip this summer. I've worked most evenings this month, in addition to my 8-5 job, and brought in some extra moolah to compensate for the 4 weeks that I'll be NOT working in Costa Rica (!)

A few of the families have become regulars for me. My favorites are a 3 year-old and almost-7 year-old who I watched weekly til their mom got too big-pregnant play tennis on Tuesday nights. Now I've been going over most nights after work to be a mother's helper & the two of us divide the time between to two older boys and the almost-2 month-old addition (who is SOO sweet, but needs to be held a lot). The older boys have had a hard time transitioning with the new baby, and it's been a struggle to find a place where they feel they are getting enough love and attention from their parents...and that it's not negative attention when they act out! Needless to say, it's been a rough couple of weeks for their parents as well as myself. I felt frustrated pretty often that I was constantly harping on Mitch, despite looking constantly for opportunities for some positive reinforcement.

One evening last week the parents went on their first 'date' w/ the baby & I kept the boys. Back to old times, right!? But the evening, especially bath time, was somewhat chaotic, and I finally threw my hands up after chasing a moving target of a head that needed to be washed & told Mitch "I'm finished...If your hair is going to get washed, you're going to have to do it yourself." & proceded to get Mack, the 3 year-old, out of the tub. Mitch was a bit taken aback & sat contritely in the tub. A few minutes later I asked if he was ready to try again, and he said he was, & everything went relatively smoothly after that.

After their stories & tucking them in, I said my goodnights & started down the stairs. Mitch said 'Wait! How much longer til you stop coming here?' I wondered in the back of my head if he were counting down the days till he didn't have to see me again, and told him I wasn't sure, but that I was going to Costa Rica in a month, so for sure then. I told them I'd send a postcard when i got there, & they seemed intrigued by the idea. I said "Goodnight" again, and as I moved out of the doorway, Mitch said "Goodnight...love you."

It warmed my heart to know that despite (0r, perhaps because of) the frustrating power struggles and frequent reprimanding that makes up most of our interaction, he knows I'm doing my best to help him & take care of him, and I told him truthfully "I love you, too!"

I'm gonna miss these boys when they get too old for a sitter, or when I move on in my life & am not available to be part of theirs. I think about what they'll be like in high school, or later in life, when I'm watching them. And, with these two, I hope it works out that I can keep up with them for a long while!

feeling old

2008-05-22T23:44:00.003-05:00

I am, for the most part, in a place of acceptance about the fact that I am 26 and have yet to buy a house, finish a bachelor's degree, or be married (much less have any children). Occasionally, however, the reality hits me & I feel like i'm way 'behind'. The week before I turned 24 I had an existential crisis because I hadn't met any of those self-imposed milestones and had always assumed I would have most definitely accomplished before I turned 24! Two years later, I didn't bat an eye at turning 26, and felt great about where I was, even though, on paper, I'm still in the 'same place' of not having accomplished those things and others that I was programmed, as a young LDS, Jane Austen-reading, Disney movie-watching lass, to expect of myself.

But this week it caught up to me again. I found a girl I used to babysit on Facebook. Her brother is serving a mission, her sister graduates high school this year, and she will graduate next year. I remember when she was BORN! And friends who have been married for 5 and 6 years are having babies, and buying houses, and then selling houses. So I had a bit of pity party today. ;)

And to top it all off, the almost-7 year-old who I've been watching most evenings this month, asked me "Did you grow up on Shirley Temple movies?"

Costa Rica!

2008-05-10T19:02:00.000-05:00

In June I'll be leaving the States for the first time, to spend a month in a study abroad program at the University of Costa Rica. I'm SOOO excited! I started trying to go in November of '06, and again last summer; it didn't work out either time, but this summer I'm GOING!!! I bought my plane tickets this week, and got my passport in the mail on Thursday! I got a scholarship, my parents are helping me out, and I'm working 12 hours a day for the next 6 weeks, and it's really gonna happen :) I've wanted to do this for a long time, but didn't really think I could. But the people around me have helped and encouraged and taught me to believe that I could make my dreams happen if I didn't sabotage them, and so, Costa Rica, here I come!!!

someone's got a lotta time on his hands...

2008-05-03T20:48:00.000-05:00

This make me smile every time I watch it.

Fruits of my labors

2008-05-01T10:48:00.002-05:00

I'm freakin' proud of my Photo II final portfolio, so I gotta show it off...

My end-of-semester project was juxtaposing yoga positions with architectural form. I'm planning on exploring this more next semester in Photo III, and I'm really excited about it. I did a research paper on Edward Weston, whose work emphasized form a lot, and the relations between human form and other things (like vegetables or seashells or landscapes). I think I'm gonna play with that for a bit. The ballerina image is made from 'sandwich printing' - putting two negatives in the enlarger together to make a new image. And the last three were 'motion' pictures. I was really pleased with the two from the Joe's Liquor sputnick thing, so I had to include them in my portfolio. So that's it!!! I'm done with school til June 26th, when I go to Costa Rica for a month of Spanish classes at La Universidad de Costa Rica. Yeah!!

Happy birthday to Allison Marie!

2008-04-03T07:41:00.000-05:00

Today is Alli's birthday, so it is the perfect reason to blog about her! Happy Birthday, Alli!!! In recent news, she just got a sexy new car. And she had a nice little road trip in it last weekend. I just realized that Alli is probably the person I have known the longest here in Memphis; we've been friends for 3 1/2 years. She's a pretty cool gal. And she wears pretty cool socks....

Remind me not to enter a beauty pageant any time soon...

2008-04-02T23:00:00.002-05:00

I was rear-ended yesterday. This makes the fourth time I've been hit in less than four years in Memphis, and the second time someone's rear-ended me because they didn't brake sufficiently in the rain. I'm kind of getting tired of it! :/

My head hit the driver-side window when he hit me, and my glasses cut into my skin right on the brow bone, giving me a nice little gash (2 cm long according to the triage nurse at the ER). Lucky for you, dear reader, I happened to have my digital camera with me, so I documented the progression of my wound throughout the day.
I got a Owie!

After a couple of hours of driving around town trying to find someone who would stitch it up!

In the ER, just before getting sewn up

...5 stitches later

24 hours after.

This has definitely not been my most beautiful year, what with losing a toe-nail late last summer, and a fingernail at the beginning of this year (both have since grown back), and shaving my hair off, and now I've got a big black eye and 5 stitches just under my eyebrow! I think if I'm ever a pregnant woman feeling ugly and un-feminine, all I'll have to do is remember this & surely I'll feel better! :)

Ironically, neither of our cars had any damage. that's what ya get for driving an old, sturdy almost-20 year-old car, I guess!

Birthday Fun!

2008-03-30T20:01:00.012-05:00

Brandi had a birthday party for me last Saturday. We had a table for 14 people at Olive Garden, which was still way too many people to be able to socialize with without yelling across the table, but we had a great time.

I was adorned by Brandi & Arianne with a tiara, a black feather boa, and a silver star wand for the occasion, which looked a little absurd with my next-to-nothin' hair, but it was fun :)

After dinner we went to Bert Ferguson park for kite flying and a romp on the playground. A group of us had gone to fly kites the evening before, but I had had horrible luck getting mine up. This time was MUCH better! The playground was the most fun, and we took lots of pictures:

THEN, we adjourned to my apartment for some good ol' mockumentary fun & watched "A Mighty Wind." It was a great night!

Where does your happy moutain live?: A tribute to Bob Ross

2008-03-30T20:01:00.011-05:00

We had a group date last night and Bob Ross taught six of us how to paint! I swear that man is a miracle worker. And his hair is amazing to boot. Here's to you, Bob!

Michael not quite sure about our happy misty valley.

David & Amanda cheesin' with their majestic mountain.

Ernie & Ben working on their meadow.

Me & Michael sizing up our work thus far.

The finished products, together...

And individually: Ben & Ernie's

Michael & Eve's

and David & Amanda's

Reflections on my first wedding

2008-03-15T17:26:00.003-05:00

I am still very much un-married, but March 15, 2008 is the date of my very first wedding...photography gig! My friends Amanda and Josh asked me last Sunday to be their photographer, as their original one had to cancel due to a test he had to take that was rescheduled from the 'snow storm' last weekend. (The roads were absolutely fine Saturday morning, but Memphians freaked out about snow before it even happened and cancelled all kinds of stuff :0/ ) So despite feeling under-qualified and under-equipped, I decided to take the plunge and try my hand at being a wedding photographer. This was the third time I'd been asked, and I had declined the previous 2 times cause I couldn't bear the thought of ruining someone's wedding memories!

This morning started at 10:00 a.m. with me rushing back to American Photo Supply to buy more film, just in case, and a rain-cover for the camera because it had been raining all night and morning. Actually, the morning started at 12:30 a.m. while it was hailing as I drove to midtown to pick up a lens from one of my former photo teachers who had an extra 75-300mm telephoto lens that she sold to me at a waay great price!

So after picking up the extra film I rushed to the chapel to get the preparation pictures. I had been feeling pretty confident yesterday during the rehearsal but, standing there in the Bride's Room, the gravity of the responsibility hit me again & I had to fight waves of inadequacy & feeling like I was just taking snapshots instead of portraits. I gradually settled in and felt more comfortable & was just shooting away.

I'm REALLY glad I was at the rehearsal, because I had been able to get a game plan for where to stand and how to frame the processional/recessional shots and the ceremony photos. While fetching my other lens from my bag, I missed someone as they were being escorted down the aisle, but I didn't write it down, and in my flustered-ness, I forgot who it was. And no one in the wedding party thought they'd been missed...so that's a flub I won't be able to fix.

The ceremony shots seemed to work well, but I was really self-conscious about the motor of my camera making noice every time it advanced the film. It was probably 10 times louder in my ears than in anyone elses. I kept expecting someone from the congregation to turn around and give me the evil eye for being so loud! The ceremony was short (and sweet), and before I knew it Josh and Amanda were all married-up & coming back down the aisle!

The family group photos had to be done inside the chapel due to the rain & soggy ground outside, and I'm anxious to see how they turned out with the limited lighting we had and my little dinky in-camera flash. (I also think one of the rolls of film I used here messed up, so I'm PRAYING that i'm wrong!!!!) This part (of course) took forever, but everyone was wonderfully patient. Poor Elle crashed though, about halfway through 'cause she was so tired. I remember my aunt being married when I was about 10 years old, and thinking that that photographer was taking WAAY too much time with getting all those pictures of all the different groups of family members and wishing he would just hurry up so we could get on with the party!

I was shooting a lot more film than I had expected. I had 7 rolls of color and 3 rolls of b/w, and I had already shot 5 rolls of color, so on my way from the chapel to the reception I stopped again at Americcan Photo (making my fifth visit this week & second in one day) to grab 4 more color rolls and an extra battery, which I had forgotten to do this morning. The chapel was in Germantown, and the reception was on Beale pretty much where midtown becomes downtown, which is a good 35 minute drive, plus stopping for supplies, so I was about 30 minutes late arriving to the reception (and stressing about it all the way from east Memphis to the reception). But the cake was about 45 minutes later than I was, so I didn't miss very much.

It was a sit-down reception, so I went around to each of the tables & got everyone cheesin'. This was the part I realize I was least prepared for, so they're probably gonna be snap-shotty. I made sure not to get people chewing or mid-bite, but in doing so probably made a few people self-conscious as I told them I'd wait for them to finish their bite & then I was going to take their picture! I need to find out what the best way is to do this part!

We didn't get a chance to do portraits with just Amanda and Josh and/or Elle, because they were so busy, and by the time the reception was winding down they were exhausted. I hope we can get together in the next few weeks and do some of those photos, cause that's what I think can REALLY make a wedding photo album. I tried to play with mirrors in the settings & compositions, and the hardest part about that was making sure I didn't end up in the mirror, too! We'll see how it all worked out! Changing lenses caused me to miss a few shots, both at the ceremony and the reception. And a few times (just a few though!) I didn't edge my way up close to get the best shot that I could because I got self-conscious about being in other people's way or drawing attention to myself.

All in all, though, I think it went well for my first time. I definitely did the best that I could do, and was exhausted by the end of that 5 hours of working. Who knew walking around pushing a shutter button could be such hard work?!

I'll post images when I get prints. If anyone read this whole long thing, I'm truely amazed. I just needed to write down my thoughts so that if I'm every crazy enough to do this again (or even crazier to make a career out of it ;-), I'll be able to remember some of the things I learned/thought/felt here!

Next time we'll use Reddi-Whip

2008-03-11T22:26:00.007-05:00

Last night FHE was at my little townhouse apartment. I have a secret theory that people like to come here, 'cause there is always a ridiculous amount of people who come when it's at our house. Like 30. And we have seating for 9 right now since our couch underwent some trauma the last time we had FHE here. So they come and pack in like sardines voluntarily, and that does something for my ego.

We had a random guy come in and try to sell us something so he could go somewhere and figure out what he wanted to do with his life. He didn't give many details. But he stayed for the lesson. He seemed nice enough, but never told us what he was doing or what he needed from us.

The highlight of the night, though, was shaving balloons. We shaved balloons. With razors. And shaving cream. Apparently you're supposed to fill the baloons with water first, and then they pop and explode shaving cream everywhere, but we didn't know that beforehand, so we took matters into our own hands and had an outright shaving cream war. Madness ensued:

Morgan accosted me more than once. He will pay dearly.

Soon after this picture I was making my first attempt at making Morgan pay dearly, and dumped a pitcher of water on these poor girls and a few others.

Mike (in the back) was my balloon-shaving partner. I'm pretty sure we won the contest, cause we're awesome. He didn't know he had anything on his beard for about 30 minutes :)

Most bloggers I know post lots of pictures of their adorable children and write about the adorable things said children do. I've found that my current trend is taking lots of pictures of the adorable Alli Marie and the adorable things she does. See above, and below...And again, further below...

Dang! You got shocks, pegs....Lucky!

2008-02-28T16:45:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine who recently moved across the country gave me temporary charge of her bicycle and I'm waaay excited about it! I've been wanting one for a while, but hadn't taken any action around getting one, especially since Cordova does not seem to be a bicycle/pedestrian friendly town. But the weather seems to be thinking about becoming spring-y some time soon, and I'm gonna start venturing out on two wheels instead of four around my neighborhood and in Shelby Farms! Aaron, my triathlete friend, came over last night to air up the tires for me, and I got a lesson in changing bike tires. After he left, I rode around my complex to check my mail. I was awkwardly manuvering over a speed bump on a hill when a van came down the street & I realized I was on the wrong side of the road, but I survived!...and picked up some speed & comfort on the trip home :)

Midnight Pancakes

2008-01-27T01:09:00.000-06:00

headwrap club

2008-01-16T20:59:00.000-06:00

I've entered a new identity group. I wrap my head, and in doing so, have given myself permission to speak to strangers whom I normally would probably never have approached. There are a LOT of cultures where headcoverings for women are customary, or at least not unusual. I knew this fact, but had never really considered it. Jewish, Muslim, Indian, African(-American), Catholic nuns, and aparently some other Christian faiths, all include a custom of wearing head scarves of some fashion, to some degree.

I was in the fabric section at Wal-Mart a few weeks ago, looking for new material, feeling pretty lost and uneducated, and wishing I could talk to someone about fabrics & styles, etc. when a woman walked up with her husband and started looking at fabric on my aisle. I glanced over and, voila! She was dressed in typical Muslim clothing, complete with head covering! I acted on the impulse, before I could talk myself out of it, and asked her what she recommended. She told me she buys scarves from India, rather than make them herself, but gave me some pointers. I expressed my uneasiness around being a little white girl who's not sick, herself, and doesn't subscribe to any of the cultures that typically embody headwrapping...basically I told her I don't want to be a "poser" with this. She seemed surprized at this attitude and reassured me that there are many cultures in which women cover their heads, and that it is really quite common. I thanked her for talking with me & went on to buy a few pieces of material (that were WAAY too big for my purposes, but was later able to cut down to size & get a few identical scarves), and went on my way, happy that I had not let my hesitancy get the best of me :)

Yesterday, I was walking on campus and noticed a couple of african-american girls with wraps on their heads. One was beautiful, and I approached the girl and asked if she would explain to me how to tie a scarf that way. It turned out to be a sarong (read: Huge piece of fabric) that she got from Africa, and explained that her friend, who is Muslim and was the other girl standing next to her, had actually taught her how to wrap it. We introduced ourselves and chatted for a few minutes; one told me that Target had a sale going on for large square scarves, and gave me some tips, and they told me they'd pray for me and Becky. We then went our separate ways, and I was again struck by the simplicity and assurance I had possessed in the exchange. Historically, I've been fairly timid around approaching strangers to ask for advice or even just wanting to meet someone, but those two encounters were really quite natural.
I ended up seeing the girls two other times throughout the day, and stopped to talk again at our third meeting. I thought it was strange that we had run into each other so many times in such a short period (the last time was at Target while I was looking for said scarf sale), and I'm feeling open to whatever "The Universe" has in store for me around this experience, if any. Maybe I'll make some cool, random friends who aren't from church or recovery through this :)

Anyway, just thought this was interesting & wanted to record it.

blind photographer

2008-01-15T13:56:00.000-06:00

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/object/article?o=0&f=/c/a/2005/02/18/EBG90B98SE1.DTL

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2005/02/27/PKG5QBEBB01.DTL

I was really tempted to drop my photo class again this semester when I realized that I would be able to graduate next semester if I let go of my minor in photography, and just focused on the Spanish major. But when it came down to making the actual decision, I felt prompted to keep going in the photo direction. So I'm still at it. And despite my dislike for darkroom printing and such, I am excited about our first assignment in Photo II.

I was sitting in the library studying for another class when the question popped into my mind whether one who is blind would be able to be a photographer...what would that look like? We all know of the great composers who were deaf, but could one express the interpretation of light and space while unable to receive it in his own senses? I did a quick google for 'blind photographer' and apparently the San Francisco Chronicle staff have a penchant for such a thing...I found two articles right off the bat from their publication & thought I'd share them. :)

I'm going to refrain from waxing philosophical on this just yet...

Becky and Faith

2007-12-24T15:00:00.000-06:00

My dear friend Becky was my reason for visiting Norman, and I had a full week of spending most of the day with her. We watched the Food Network and movies and talked and napped and ate...mostly we ate.

Becky is sick. I knew that; I'd talked to her numerous times on the phone over the past few weeks, but the gravity of it couldn't sink in until I saw her in person. The cancer is affecting her nervous system, causing her weakness and pain. She can't walk without help, she tires easily, and her voice is being affected by the medications. It was overwhelming the first day, to see my spunky, feisty friend use a walker & keep a notebook of her many meds. After the initial shock of the first day, though, I was able to see that despite her illness, that the girl is still my Becky. There is a difference between someone who is 'being strong' and someone who is strong. Becky IS STRONG! She doesn't put up a front and act strong about the situation she's in, rather, she's got what it takes to face this trial full on and do whatever it is that Heavenly Father wants her to in this experience.

It was an honor to witness the solidarity of character that she possesses. And to see that she can be frustrated and scared, and struggle with her faith in this process, which doesn't take away from her strength, because is it part of her! Someone asked me at church how she was doing, and said she'd heard that Becky was struggling with her faith. I realized that some people want to see the stone-faced stance in someone who is going through a trial. But the REAL perseverance and growth that comes in a trial is to struggle (which some people, in their fear, hear as "lose") and become stronger in one's faith, which doesn't come from saying so, but from experiencing the spectrum of feelings and uncertainties and finding how to let God mold one's heart and will according to His plan. It's not something one can just decide and make happen. In that case, it's not real, but just another example of 'being strong'. I think this is part of what I have always loved about Becky - She's got faith, but that doesn't mean she can't experience the feelings and emotions that come with being mortal along with her faith.

The image that comes to mind is that of birth. A fetus struggles in the womb and birth canal, and gets worn out in the process, and cries and most likely doesn't want to progress to the next phase of the unknown world, but it's inevitable and, really, for the best to be born. We don't fault a child (or a mother) for screaming and wishing to not be in that situation, but because of it, one is made stronger and able to progress, either as a newborn child with his mortal life before him, or as a mother with the opportunity to love in a new, greater capacity.

Norman, OK 73071

2007-12-24T11:00:00.000-06:00

I spent the first week of my break in Norman, Oklahoma, which is where my heart calls home. I know that place inside and out.

One evening I drove past all my old apartments and places of work and such; 'haunting' my old haunts. It brought back a lot of memories. That town is full of me and my life as a young college student just starting off on her own. I'm not exagerating when I say that for pretty much every apartment complex in the town, I could name someone I had known who had lived there. I drove through an intersection and had flash-backs of the time I was ticketed for 'running' a yellow light. I knew names of side streets before the signs were visible. I passed places I'd been on dates, restaurants that roommates and I ate at according to our moods, drove by the church, institute and university and had a FLOOD of memories rush into my head of people I had known and activities I had attended. It was fun to come back to a place that I loved and learned so much in, and to experience so many memories from a different perspective. It was drizzling that night the same way it did the first evening I ventured out to explore Norman after having moved into my dorm at OU, 7-1/2 years ago.

Next to people, the thing I miss most about Norman, and Oklahoma altogether, is food. There are so many restaurants that I love there that we don't have in Memphis. I spent most of the week taking advantage of the opportunity to eat the food I miss, like Ted's Cafe Escondido (went there twice), Taco Bueno (made three trips), Braum's (two runs), Jamba Juice (twice), and Pizza Shuttle & Mazzio's (once each). I didn't get to go to Hideaway Pizza or Toto's this time, and Tony Marbel's has closed down, but I think I got a good food fix. :)

Oh, by golly have a holly jolly Christmas, this year

2007-12-24T10:32:00.000-06:00

The semester is over, and I'm a week & a half into my Christmas break. I love being a student if for no other reason than that my schedule is incredibly more flexible than when I worked 40 hours a week.

I finished this semester with three B's and an A, and feel quite satisfied with that. This semester was an exercise in easing up on my perfectionism and need to follow rules precisely. I didn't study for tests as much as I usually feel obligated to, didn't stress as much about assignments, and didn't go over my papers 10 billion times to make sure every word was perfectly suited and strategically placed to make me sound as absolutely astute as possible. I practiced letting go of a lot of stress and worry around my classes, and was surprised several times that I scored higher on things than I thought I would, sometimes just as high as I would have if I had spent all that perfectionistic energy on the assignment.

shorn

2007-12-10T14:02:00.000-06:00

My roommate's dad shaved my head for me on Saturday. I keep startling myself when I walk past mirrors or reach up to scratch my head. And I can't keep from rubbing my head if I'm sitting talking to someone or watching tv. It feels so different. Becky's been on my mind more than ever the last two days. I've been wearing the head scarf that she gave me a few years ago, which is really special/significant to me. I was getting ready to go in to church yesterday, and the thought occured to me that I've shaven my head 'in remembrance' of Becky. It is a constant reminder of her in my life and a symbol to myself and others of the relationship I have with her. I wondered if I have the same kind of apparent 'remembrance' of the Savior in my life. I think I probably do, just not so starkly apparent to me, because they've become more of an integrated part of my life.

It's interesting, too, because my head leads me to remember Christ and His atonement more, also. I realize that my efforts to support Becky are so miniscule in the broad range of experiences she's going through with this. But Christ has experienced it all. I can't appreciate what's going on, but he can. It helps me see how much I can be an instrument in His hands in succoring the people in my life, but I can't help anyone truely without His guidance.

Coneheads

2007-12-08T09:06:00.000-06:00

I came home yesterday to find the movie Coneheads in my latest Netflix shipment. I think it's a little ironic that the evening before I shave my head, I watched a movie about bald 'people' with oddly shaped heads.

Tiaras

2007-12-08T09:03:00.000-06:00

Becky had a head fetish while we lived together, too. When she was having a bad day, or even just when she wanted to feel special, she would find her tiara and wear it around the house. Tiaras are the instant anti-depressant. They just transform everything and make it better. We would sometimes clean the house or watch movies while both wearing tiaras. They became a sort of trademark of our apartment. Once I answered the door wearing mine when our friend Mike came over to visit, and he gave me an odd look, but when I explained the ritual, he was behind it all the way.

I still wear mine occasionally when I'm having a bad day, and I fully intend to bring it to Oklahoma and have some bald-and-beautiful tiara time with Becky :)

Support

2007-12-07T11:26:00.001-06:00

This morning Becky called me while I was getting ready for work. She told me she'd gone ahead and shaved her head yesterday. She starts radiation on Monday, and they're going to give her a tatoo to mark where they will be focusing the laser. She said "I have a question for you, and I understand if you say no. You don't have to answer right now, just think about it. Would you consider shaving your head in support of me?" I knew my answer as soon as she asked. I said "Yes, I will do that!" then, knowing she wouldn't take the answer right then, added "I will definitely consider that," and we talked about the possibilities of my coming out there for a few days.

I couldn't concentrate for very long at a time at work. I spent the morning mulling over the idea of shaving my head as a way to experience a small part of what she was going through. The significance of the Atonement of Jesus Christ stuck out boldly in my head. He's experienced EVERYTHING, even Becky's cancer. I can't do that, but I can give my hair up for a few months, like she's doing, and share a small part in her experience. It hit me that for the past week I'd been thinking of her cancer as a life and death scenario. Either she was going to get through this or she might not...but considering the reality of the fact that she'd shaved her head made things a lot more real. This isn't an 'I make it or I don't' kind of situation. It's a million little different things that she's going to endure. It's the diagnosis, and seeing the progression of the cell growth over just days on two different MRIs. It's losing that beautiful hair. It's wearing bandanas and scarves. It's headaches and fatigue. It's wishing that the people around her would just cry with her. It's starting radiation therapy. And steroids. And medications. And then Chemo. And...and...

This is a trial with - only God knows how many - different tiny experiences. Something to endure through. And all I can really do with her is cry and pray and shave my head. But not the really scary stuff. I can't even fathom what it's like for her.

A few years ago, Becky came home to find me talking on my phone, with a turtleneck sweater wrapped and tied around my head in a somewhat turban-like fashion. I had absentmindedly worked it up so that it would stay on my head while I carried on a conversation and cooked some dinner. Occasionally, I'd turn up with my hair tied up in a dish towel, or something, and she'd laugh at me and point out the headpiece I'd forgotten about. We decided I had some kind of subconscious obsession with things on my head. A few weeks later, she gave me a large green and gold-ish cloth for my birthday. It was my very own head wrap. I wore it several times, out around the city, to church, or just to lounge in in the house. I loved it. I haven't worn it in a few years, but when I see it in my drawer, I always smile.

This morning the thought crossed my mind how full circle this situation has come...I have an opportunity to put the headwrap to good use, and as I wear it on my bald head, I get support the woman who gave it to me all that time ago.

She called me again after lunch to tell me that if I could work it out, she really wanted me to come be with her. I said I would, and that I was going to shave my head tomorrow.

In Shock

2007-12-06T12:26:00.000-06:00

"My dearest friend Becky has brain cancer." I don't know how many times his thought has run through my head in the past week. I haven't known what to do with it, but to cry when it hits me, talk to people I trust when I'm feeling scared, pray, and take deep breaths. She called me on November 30th to tell me the news. I spent the first week of December trying to figure out how I could change my flight plans to accomodate a week in Oklahoma and a week in California, instead of the originally planned 2 weeks in CA. I want to be there for her. I want to support her. I want her to know I love her and can't stand that she's facing yet another physical trial.

We lived together for two years while I was a student at the University of Oklahoma. This girl is my 'kindred spirit', to quote Anne of Green Gables. She is spunky and moody and full of love and every other emotion, and loves to drive and sing to India Arie and Tori Amos and Fiona Apple. She feels things very deeply. She loves Jack Black. She has the most wonderful dark brown curly hair. She paints. She decorated her room with stars and christmas lights. She drinks Coca-Cola - the REAL thing, not diet - and leaves half bottles of it on counters and side tables all over the house. She can have an incredibly perceptive conversation about life or ghosts or why she doesn't believe something is right, and leave me pondering for days. This girl is amazing.

And I spent the past week worried I wouldn't get to see her again. I realized while setting up my Christmas tree on Saturday that this will be the fourth Christmas I've spent in Memphis. A tad over three years, but four CHRISTMASES that I've missed us being integral parts of each other's lives. On Tuesday I woke up with the dread that she might leave before I spent more time with her. My first thought of the day was "I don't want the next time I see her to be at her funeral." That scared me silly. Wednesday night I was with a group of safe, nurturing people. I mentioned her situation, and someone caught on to my sad and anxious energy. He talked with me for a few minutes, and asked if I was ok. I crumbled and cried in his arms for several minutes. "This isn't supposed to happen to someone so young!," I kept thinking. I called her on the way home and left a voicemail about my tentative plans to come be with her.